A Broken Black Line
by Tanta Green
Summary: Part one of the Away From Home series. After a runin with Seifer, Zell decides to leave Garden. Can Irvine convince Zell to come back, not just to Balamb Garden, but to love and life itself?
1. Revelations

Warning:  This story will eventually contain yaoi.  If you don't like it, then I suggest you get the hell out now.  Also, this fic probably isn't for die hard Seifer fans.  Rated R for language, violence and eventually yaoi.

Irvine: Ha!  I knew you couldn't resist writing a fic about Zell and me.

Tanta: All right, all right.  Rub it in why don't you?  At least it's not a PWP.

Irvine: Isn't it?  Damn.  Those are fun.

Tanta: Also, to those few of you that are reading my other stories; Yes, I know I should be working hard to finish When I Grow Up and A Forest Owls Love Story, but this is just way more fun.

Irvine: If you don't know what she's talking about then you should check those fics out, like, right now!

Tanta:  Oh my god.  My muse is actually doing something he's supposed to.  Anyway, this was meant to be the disclaimer, wasn't it?  Well then, I don't own Irvine or Zell or Seifer or anyone else in this fanfiction.  They're Squaresoft's, and I'm not getting any money of them, so don't bother suing me.

N.B. _Italics indicate a flashback._          

A Broken Black Line

_He said that you were going to disappear…_

_I'm not.  I'm not going to leave you…_

You know, once when I was fifteen, I left Garden to look for you.  My friends found me lying unconscious near the ocean two weeks later.  Now I begin to wonder, was it worth it?  You're all grown up.  You don't need me anymore, do you?  Still, sometimes I catch myself staring at you, especially when you smile, and I realise that even if you don't need me anymore, I still need you, and I find myself pleading.

Don't leave me again…

Chapter One: Revelation

A bruise was already starting to form on his face from where the camera had slammed against his cheek.  He checked the piece of equipment in his hands once more, still not sure that the video camera could have survived a full blown punch from Zell Dincht without any damage.

Irvine sighed as Selphie came bounding towards him, a bubbly bundle of energy as always; Irvine's hat tilted comically on her head.  She had stolen it minutes earlier, and was revelling in having one of Irvine's most treasured possessions in her possession.  She stood in front of the sharpshooter for a couple of seconds, her hands on her hips, as she surveyed the forlorn expression on Irvine's face.

"Here," she said, grabbing the cowboy hat from off her head and plonking it back on Irvine's auburn hair.  "You can have it back if it means that much to you."

Irvine continued to inspect the camera, only to find that the only thing wrong with it was a flat battery which he had already known about.

Selphie continued to watch him for a couple of seconds, quickly realising that Irvine didn't seem to be worried in the slightest by the brief theft of his ten gallon.

"Don't worry," Selphie giggled, hoping that she had actually come to the right conclusion this time.  "We can get Squall on the tape some other time."

Irvine couldn't help but chuckle.  Selphie could actually come up with some pretty brilliant ideas every so often, but most of the time, like right at that moment, the brunette could be absolutely clueless.  He wouldn't have been surprised to discover that she was actually a natural blonde.

It was rather difficult to sum up Irvine and Selphie's relationship.  Most of their friends assumed that the two of them were dating because of the amount of time that they spent in each other's company, and there had been a time when Irvine had hoped that they might get together, but time had passed and Irvine had grown to know and like Selphie more than he had ever liked a girl before.  He didn't love her; not in the sense that he would love a girlfriend at least, but he did care for her so much that he didn't want to risk their friendship by adding sex into the formula.

Maybe his reluctance to deepen their relationship had something to do with the fact that they had grown up together.  Selphie had seemed to take the news the best out of any of the orphanage gang.  Zell however…

_The snow was falling gently now, covering his face with a soft white powder that disappeared almost as soon as it touched the warmth of his skin.  He had finally summoned the courage to remind everyone of what he had known all along._

_They didn't seem to mind at first. Zell had put on a brave face and declared that it didn't matter.  Everything was still the same, but now, almost an hour after __Irvine__ had told them all, Zell was a nervous wreck._

_He turned to watch the martial artist, who was sitting down, hunched miserably in the snow with his face in his hands.  There was something about the sight of Zell, usually so bright and full of energy, sitting solemnly on the floor like that which compelled __Irvine__ to stay._

_He sat down on the cold wet concrete floor of the basketball court beside Zell and placed a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder.  Zell pulled away from the touch quickly, causing __Irvine__ to feel something akin to a stab in the heart._

_"Zelly?" __Irvine__ called softly._

_Zell looked up at the sharpshooter with a pained smirk on his face._

_"Zelly?" the blonde laughed doubtfully._

_"It's what I used to call you when we were little, remember?"  The blonde stayed silent and __Irvine__ was forced to keep in mind that up until a couple of minutes ago Zell had not even remembered his own childhood._

_"Zell, I'm sorry."_

_"Damn it __Irvine__!" Zell screamed, jumping to his feet.  "This changes my whole life!  I know I was acting like I didn't give a damn before, but I do!  This turns my whole world upside down and you knew it would, didn't you?!"_

_Zell dropped back down on the floor again, resting his forehead on his hand and unintentionally ruffling his spiked up bangs in the process._

_"You know," Zell began speaking again, much more subdued this time.  "The entire time I've been at Garden all I wanted to do was be like my Grandpa.  I was so proud to be related to someone like that, but now I know that he's not even my real Grandpa!  __Eden__'s arse __Irvine__!  My ma isn't even my real ma!"_

_Irvine understood how Zell felt, but the quick pains of Zell rejecting his initial offers of comfort made him want to ignore how Zell felt altogether.  If it had been anyone else he would have stayed silent and concentrated on making Zell feel better, but the memories of all that had been lost between the two of them had opened as fresh as they had when they had met at Galbadia Garden.  Ever since that day he had felt just as cheated as Zell did now, and he lashed out at the blonde._

_"How do you think I feel then?" __Irvine__ yelled.  "At least you have someone that wants to be your family, even if you aren't blood related.  I lost my only family when I was six!  I thought that maybe I had them back now.  I hoped that maybe they would want what we had before, but they obviously don't!"_

_Zell looked up at the sharpshooter.  Irvine caught a glimpse of confusion on Zell's face before he turned and fled from the scene, hoping that Zell couldn't see the tears that were streaming down his face…._

Irvine subconsciously reached a hand up to his face, feeling the tender flesh that Zell had injured earlier in the night.  The sharpshooter had hoped that maybe; just maybe, he and Zell had worked everything out, but obviously they weren't yet good enough friends that Zell could ignore something like the revelation that Irvine had bestowed upon him a couple of hours earlier.

Selphie caught the action and a smile lit up her face as she finally realised the true reason behind Irvine's melancholy mood.

"You're not still upset about him, are you?" Selphie asked, lifting Irvine's hat slightly off his head and staring him straight in the face.

"He punched me," Irvine muttered.

"He punched the camera," Selphie corrected him.

"And the camera connected with my face," Irvine concluded.  "So he might as well have punched me directly, don't you think?"

"It wasn't your fault," Selphie muttered.  "Hasn't he ever heard the saying 'don't shoot the messenger?'  I think you should go talk to him."

She motioned towards the door to the ballroom, where Zell was leaning against the door frame, trying to look inconspicuous.

Irvine tried to summon a smile for the girl, then turned around and walked towards the blonde, hoping that Zell had calmed down a bit.

"And Irvine!" Selphie yelled to him, causing him to turn around in his tracks.  "I'm starting to remember a few things about our childhood."  Irvine raised an eyebrow at the brunette in question.  "I remember what the two of you were like as kids, even if he doesn't."

Irvine's smile this time was genuine.

"Thanks Sephie," he told the girl.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell scowled as he realised that Irvine was walking towards him.  This was going to be incredibly awkward, he concluded, taking note of the bruise slowly blooming on the side of Irvine's face.

He knew that he shouldn't be taking out his anger on Irvine.  That would be just stupid.  The truth was that he just couldn't control his emotions sometimes, and it had been Irvine that had told him the bad news.

Why was it always Irvine that had to give him the really bad messages, he wondered.  First it had been the news that he was adopted, and that had been bad enough by itself, but the latest piece of information was even worse.

Seifer Almasy was returning to Balamb Garden.

Apparently Squall had guessed that Zell would go psycho if he told him the news, and had dumped the job on Irvine, hoping that the sharpshooter would find a way to tell his friend that would cause the minimum amount of damage from Zell's fists that was possible under the circumstances.

Zell tried to look casual as Irvine approached him, mentally wincing as he saw how bright the bruise on Irvine's face was already.

"Hey Zell," Irvine called, tipping his hat slightly in greeting.

"'Sup Irvine?" Zell returned.

"I'm sorry that I had to tell you what I did before," Irvine sighed.

"Hey man, it's not your fault," Zell tried to sound as though it wasn't as big a deal as it felt like to him.  "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.  Squall and Headmaster Cid are right.  I need to learn how to control my temper a little, that's all.  Can you forgive me?"

"You were forgiven before you hit me Zell," Irvine said, a cocky grin appearing on his face as though nothing had happened.  "You two must really hate each other though.  You've been in a jumpy mood ever since I told you."

"Yeah," Zell said simply, not wanting to reveal too much to Irvine.  It wasn't just Seifer's constant harassment and name-calling that made Zell never want to see the Sorceress' Knight again as long as he lived.  In fact, there had been a time when Seifer's chicken-wuss taunts might have actually seemed kind of cute to the martial artist, but not any more. Too much had happened between the two of them for things to ever go back to normal, and too much had happened that would remain only as dirty secrets inside both of their minds.  He knew that there was one revelation that Irvine would probably never hear from him, and it involved Seifer.


	2. Exodus

Tanta: Blah!  I can't be bothered with a disclaimer.  Look at the first page if you need one.

Irvine:  That is just being slack.

Tanta:  Who cares?  Nobody reads these little notes anyway.  Thanks to those people who reviewed.  You've convinced me that I should keep working on this fic.  So I now proudly present to you the next chapter.  Warning: A little bit of Seifer/Zell in this chapter.  Also, if you don't like sexual violence then I strongly recommend that you skip this chapter.

Chapter Two: Exodus

"'the hell Irvine.  You can't go now.  Seifer is coming back this afternoon!"

Several students turned to stare as the sharpshooter stormed through the halls of Balamb Garden, Zell Dincht hot on his heels.

"Irvine!" Zell called again when he realised that the other man wasn't going to stop.  "Irvine, please!  I can't face him alone."

Irvine only stopped when he heard the breaks in Zell's usually confident voice and realised that Zell was quite genuinely distressed.

"Irvine," Zell called again, his pleading voice reduced to such a quiet level as to almost be a whisper.

Irvine's more stubborn emotions made him give into Zell's pleading if only for a second, and he turned around to look the martial artist in the eye.

"I don't like the timing of this anymore than you do Zell," he said, "but you have to understand that this is important to me.  The rest of you have been SeeDs since I met up with you in Galbadia.  It's kind of made me feel left out.  This is my chance to truly be one of you.  I wish that the field test was some other day as well, but it's not."

Quistis' announcement earlier in the morning that Irvine's field test to become a fully-fledged SeeD would take place that very afternoon had taken most people by surprise.  The test wasn't scheduled for another two weeks, but the perfect mission for the candidates had presented itself in the form of a request for assistance from a small resistance faction in Timber.

Irvine sighed as he finished speaking, before taking a step closer to Zell.  The martial artist's eyes were roaming over the floor and walls of the garden, trying to look anywhere but at the man standing in front of him.  Irvine placed a hand on one of Zell's shoulders and leaned down slightly so that they saw eye to eye.

"You'll just have to be strong, all right?" Irvine told him.

"Why do you even have to go?" Zell sobbed.  "You helped get rid of Ultimecia.  You deserve to be a SeeD more than anyone else in Garden, regardless of how you score in some stupid test.  Squall should have made you one as soon as we got back to Garden, like he made Quistis an instructor again."

Irvine couldn't help but smile.  He moved his hand slightly to cup Zell's chin.

"I wish it was that easy as well Zelly," Irvine chuckled.

"Don't call me that," Zell muttered.  "It's degrading."

"You'd prefer chicken-wuss?" Irvine asked, meaning it as a joke.

Zell pulled away from Irvine as though the other man's touch hurt him.  He turned his back on the sharpshooter and began walking away.

"Zell."  It was Irvine's turn to call out, stopping Zell in his tracks.  "What did he do to you that makes you hate him so much?"

Zell didn't say anything, or even move from where he stood.

"Aren't you even going to wish me good luck?" Irvine pleaded.  It soon became obvious that Zell was not going to respond, and Irvine left him alone.  When he had almost reached the end of the hallway, he turned and added more, hoping that he wouldn't have to leave an angry Zell behind.  "I'll be thinking of you this afternoon during the test, wishing you were fighting beside me like usual.  It's going to be weird fighting with three other people that I barely know.  Of course, Quistis and Xu are going to be there as our instructors, but it won't be the same."

He stared at Zell a couple of seconds more, waiting for any sort of response that would prove that Zell was not as petrified as he was acting.

"Good luck," Zell finally said, making Irvine smile again.

It was funny, Irvine reflected, the way that Zell controlled his emotions so much.  A single word could either make him feel as though he had just been shot in the stomach, or bring an impossibly large smile to his face.  For a second he remembered Zell's reaction when they had met in Galbadia Garden.  It had been anything but funny for the sharpshooter then, but now the disgusted look and varied insults that had almost thrown Irvine into a near-suicidal depression then brought a large smile to his face.  He chuckled softly to himself, unaware that only a few hundred metres behind him Zell's cheeks were quickly dampening as tears ran unchecked down his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How long had it been since he had seen the other blonde?  Zell took a couple of minutes as he tried to figure it out in his mind.  It would have been almost two months.  Then they had been enemies, and the two times that they had met before that as well, but before that, just after they had taken the SeeD test together…

_"You'll never be a SeeD.  Calling yourself Captain is a joke!"  Xu's words left Seifer more broken then Zell had ever seen him before.  Once Xu and Squall had gone, leaving the broken down Seifer alone, Zell debated about comforting the other blonde.  True, they had never gotten along that well, and Seifer could be a real jerk at times, but there was no way Zell was going to leave him alone.  Nobody deserved to have their emotions hurt so badly, no matter how much of a bastard they could be._

_It also occurred to Zell that Seifer was one of the most beautiful men he had ever met.  He had been admiring Seifer for a while now.  He would have been a fool to let a chance like this pass without at least trying._

_He approached Seifer quietly and placed a hand on the other blonde's shoulder._

_"Hey," he said softly.  Seifer jumped at his touch.  When he realised that it was Zell he chuckled as though he found Zell's very presence amusing, even though Zell knew it was just a disguise to try and hide the fact that he had been crying only a couple of seconds earlier._

_"Chicken-wuss," Seifer grimaced.  "Shouldn't you be up there with puberty boy waiting to find out if you're a SeeD or not?"_

_"Yeah, but it'll be a while before they announce anything," Zell explained.  "You're not too crushed by what Xu said are ya?"_

_"I'll be fine," Seifer told him.  The presence of Zell's hand still on the taller man's shoulder finally seemed to register.  Shock passed quickly over Seifer's face to be replaced by a knowing grin._

_Zell blushed fiercely and quickly took his hand away._

_"You're gay, aren't you?" Seifer said, the grin on his face widening as Zell blushed an even deeper red._

_"Maybe," Zell admitted, highly embarrassed by what Seifer had just discovered about him.  _

_"I've got to go," he said, pointing towards the elevator.  "They'll be calling out names soon."  He turned and began running as fast as he possibly could, not wanting to hear the taunts he was sure would soon come from Seifer's mouth._

_"Hey, chicken-wuss!" Seifer called after him.  Zell was reluctant to listen to whatever Seifer said, but stopped nevertheless.  "Thanks for asking if I was all right," Seifer said, surprising Zell and making him blush yet again.  "No-one else gives a damn about me.  If I can't be a SeeD then I hope you can.  Good luck."_

_The next few minutes seemed to pass in a blur.  First there was the announcement that he was going to be a SeeD, then there was the surprise of seeing Seifer actually applaud the fact that they had become SeeDs when he wasn't, and then…_

_It hadn't taken long for Seifer to find Zell while he was alone.  A couple of too-friendly touches led to a couple of more-than-friendly kisses, and then finally an invitation back to Seifer's room._

_At first Zell had been happier then he could ever remember being before.  Seifer wanted him, perhaps even needed him, but it soon became all too clear that Seifer would never love him.  He pushed Zell down onto the bed thrusting harshly into him without a care for the smaller man's comfort or pleasure.  Tears covered Zell's face as the other man finished._

_Zell knew that it wasn't supposed to be that way.  He almost hoped that Seifer would offer some sort of apology, but the other man only ignored him for the short while that they were both in Balamb Garden before Zell left for his first mission._

_Of course no-one else knew what had happened, and as far as Zell could see, no-one ever would.  Who could he talk to?  What would he tell them?  No-one would ever believe that it was rape.  He had wanted Seifer.  He had made as many moves to start the relationship, if it could be called that, as Seifer had._

_He had kept it as a secret, hoping in time that his GFs would swallow up the memory and it would never return, but it remained one of the sharpest, clearest memories he had.  Every time he saw Seifer or heard the all-too-common 'chicken-wuss' insult, the memories came back._

How could he not hate Seifer?

Zell glanced at a clock on the nearby wall.  It was almost one o'clock.  Irvine would probably be in Timber by now, starting the mission which would determine his SeeD ranking.  Zell had almost two hours before Seifer returned and the taunting and bad memories came back with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irvine glanced at his watch.  One o'clock.  He had been in the truck for barely ten minutes.  It seemed almost like ten hours.  They had arrived in Timber not too long ago to meet their employers, Hagan and Togun, the leaders of the revolutionary group known as the "Forest Racoons."

He took a quick look around at the other people in the large truck with him.  There was Xu and Quistis, who were chatting quietly together, and the other three candidates in his squad, Millie, Kelly and Trida.  Millie and Kelly were almost identical, both with short black hair and blue eyes.  The two had been best friends for as long as Irvine had known them, and rivalled Selphie for their energy and enthusiasm.  Trida was a different story.  He was the only member of the squad that was the same age as Irvine.  His hair was a light brown and was draped over one side of his face so that only one of his black eyes could be seen.  He had barely said a word the entire trip.  Hagan was in the other truck along with the other five candidates and two instructors.  His partner Togun had come with them however, and was sitting next to Quistis looking very nervous.  He couldn't have been much older than Irvine himself, but he was obviously the reason the group had been called the Racoons.  Two wide black rings circled each of the man's eyes.  This, coupled with the man's spiky white-blonde hair made him look very much like a racoon to Irvine's eyes.

The tattoos also reminded him of Zell.

Togun cleared his throat before standing up and walking to one end of the truck, almost falling over as the driver hit a hole in the road.

"Thank you for coming," he spoke in a deep rich voice that almost appeared to be too mature for his boyish face.  "The situation is as such.  Our base lies a couple of miles from where we are now, near the cliffs.  A group of Galbadian soldiers have begun setting up a camp close to where we are.  If they discover our base then they will more than likely destroy it and all our work will be for nothing.  We request that you get rid of them."

He nodded towards Quistis and Xu who stood up and began explaining the finer points of what would happen.  Irvine let his mind drift off as they ran through all the usual precautions.  In a couple of hours he would be fighting Galbadians and Zell would be fighting his own fears.  He certainly wouldn't want to be in Zell's position right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell sat down on a rock in the training centre and casually brushed his hair away from his face, accidentally dying some of bangs blood red.  His hands and clothes were covered in the sticky red liquid; some of it his own, but mostly that of the Grats and T-rexaurs that had come across his path over the past few hours.

He cast a water spell on himself, hoping to get rid of the stench and cool his temper down a little.

He had felt the small shakes as Balamb Garden had landed next to his home town little less than an hour ago.  It was more than likely that Squall had welcomed Seifer back into Garden with a nod and a threat that if Seifer even so much as touched Rinoa he would be thrown off Garden once again.  Zell probably should have gotten off and strolled into Balamb to visit his mother and do a little necessary shopping, but he didn't want to chance running into Seifer.

He was horribly frustrated then, when a couple of minutes later he saw the tall blonde come into sight round a corner.  He considered getting to his feet and running away from him as fast as he possibly could, but Seifer had already seen him.

"Hello Zell," Seifer said casually, waving a hand in greeting.

Zell sighed and tried to summon a smile for the older man.  Perhaps he would finally apologize, a small part of him suggested.  Perhaps they could get together again with a little bit of work.

"You weren't there to welcome me," Seifer said, the predatory grin that Zell remembered returning to his face, shattering any hope that Zell had fostered previously.  "I would have thought that you would be ready to welcome me back with a hug and a kiss."

Seifer winked suggestively, making Zell's stomach churn.

"Why should I welcome you Seifer?" Zell asked him.  "I haven't forgotten last time, you know."

"Neither have I," Seifer chuckled.  The taller man bridged the distance between the two of them in two strides.  Zell looked behind himself hoping for an easy way out, only to find the way was blocked by trees.  Seifer leaned over him, smirking at the younger man.  "Last time you were clinging to me like your life depended on it and moaning like a whore."

"Shut up Seifer or I swear I'll..."   The threat sounded empty to his ears.  He couldn't imagine how weak it would sound to Seifer.

"Or you'll what?" Seifer asked, leaning in closer.  "You'll sick you're precious Irvy on me like you used to do when we were kids."  For a second Zell wondered what Seifer meant.  A memory swam before his mind's eye, so close that he could almost touch it, but every time he tried to grasp it and finally remember it slipped out of reach again.  Something told him that he was forgetting something very important, but before he could quite remember what it was Seifer's voice interrupted his thoughts once more.

"I happen to know that you can't," Seifer said, grinning.  "Irvine isn't here right now, is he Zell?  There's no-one to come to your rescue."

Seifer leaned in even closer; so close that Zell could feel the other man's breath on his cheek.  Seifer's lips brushed against his own for just a second before Zell brought his fists up in an arc and Seifer flew backwards and onto the ground.

Zell wiped his arm against his lips, hoping to get rid of the taste of Seifer from his mouth forever, replacing it instead with the tangy taste of blood.

Seifer looked up at Zell from where he lay on the ground.  He sat completely still for a moment as if he couldn't believe that Zell had just hit him.  Slowly he reached a hand up to his jaw to find that Zell had broken his skin.  He took a drop of blood between two of his fingers and rubbed them slowly, spreading the red liquid, still clearly shocked by Zell's actions.

Zell had expected hysterics.  He had expected a shocked laugh from Seifer at the sight of his own blood.  As far as Zell knew, Squall was the only one who had ever managed to draw Seifer's blood before.  Zell had not expected the look of anger and rage that Seifer immediately directed at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irvine dropped behind a pile of rocks to reload.  So far the mission had been a lot more difficult than expected.  There had been a lot more soldiers than intelligence had told them.  Hagan and Togun had disappeared a while after the fighting had started as well, saying that they had things to do.

Irvine heard a satisfying click as the last bullet fell into place.  He got up once more, expecting to charge straight into the fray only to come face to face with a Galbadian soldier.  The man's gun was pointed straight at his stomach.  There was just enough time for him to realise that there was no way he would be able to get a shot off before he died, when the man suddenly fell to his knees in front of Irvine, a blade sticking out of his back.

The sharpshooter looked up to discover Trida pulling one of his katals out from the dead soldier's torso.

"Thanks," Irvine said quickly.

Trida nodded.  "There's a small group of them left a couple of hundred metres from here.  Instructors Xu and Trepe are taking care of the rest."

"What about the other candidates?" Irvine asked, concerned for the girls' safety. 

"They can take care of themselves," Trida admitted.  "I'm not so sure that they can take care of the remaining soldiers though."

Irvine followed Trida across the small battlefield, stepping over the few bodies in their way.

"You've killed many of them," Trida said, no emotion in his voice to betray his feelings.  "You can tell that you're used to this.  Millie and Kelly just fell to pieces when the actual fighting began, but you just went for it.  I'll be surprised if you don't become a SeeD."

Irvine looked at the bodies around them.  Trida was right.  Many of them had been killed by his gun, but almost as many showed the telltale gashes that came from being killed by Trida's katals.

"You've done well too," Irvine replied.  "You'll probably pass."

The two men came to a stop as they spotted the remaining soldiers.

"We've got to get rid of these four before any of us pass," Irvine added.  "You take the two on the left and I'll take the two on the right?" he suggested.

Trida nodded once and the two men charged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You little bitch!" Seifer roared, his hands moving to his hip and to the gunblade that had been hidden beneath his long jacket.  Zell hadn't even realised that Seifer had it until that moment.

Seifer drew the gunblade swiftly and charged at Zell.  Before Zell had a chance to block Seifer had brought the blade around in an arc to slice open the side of Zell's face.  Zell winced slightly before preparing himself for the next attack.  Seifer charged again, more clumsily this time, allowing Zell to dodge the attack.  Zell was just considering which magic he should use when a voice cried out from the other side of the clearing.

"Stop!"

Seifer whirled around as though he was ready to attack anyone that was trying to stop their duel.  Zell looked over to find that Selphie was frowning at the two of them, her arms crossed as though she was scolding a couple of junior classmen.

"I don't believe you two!" she yelled, walking towards the two of them.  "You're lucky that Squall is so forgiving Seifer, otherwise you might be kicked out of Garden for that!"

Seifer muttered something under his breath, threw his gunblade over one shoulder and stalked away from the scene, still rubbing the jaw that Zell had punched in his fury.

"Come back here Seifer!" Selphie squealed.  "I haven't finished with you!"

If it had been anyone else that Selphie was yelling at, Zell would have probably started laughing.  As it was Seifer completely ignored Selphie and continued to walk away, and Selphie's wrath turned on Zell.

"What did you think you were doing?" she said.  The look on her face was one that Zell had never seen before and never wanted to see again.  "Did you even think what might have happened if Irvine was to come back from his exam and find that you were seriously injured or dead?"

Zell shrugged.  Irvine wasn't exactly the easiest person to predict.  He couldn't even figure out why the sharpshooter seemed to care so much about him, or why it was that Selphie was more worried about Irvine's reaction than Zell's actual well-being.

Selphie squealed suddenly, making Zell jump along with her.  She ran towards him and began inspecting his face with a sense of urgency Zell had only ever received from his mother before.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"Your face!" she exclaimed.  "And your tattoo!"  She grabbed his arm and dragged him over to a pool of water.  She scooped some water up and began to clean up Zell's wound.

Zell leaned over the water as she worked, almost dreading what his reflection would look like.  The ripples began to die down slowly and Zell was able to see why Selphie had gotten so worked up.  He had feared that the wound would be jagged and rough, but it crossed his face in a red line as perfect as the scars on Squall and Seifer's faces.  It began in the middle of his cheek and ran up to his hairline, breaking his signature black tattoo cleanly in half.

It would be easy to fix once the wound had healed, as long as the wound didn't leave a scar.  Curing spells had the disadvantage that they often left some scarring behind, which meant that he would have to let it heal naturally.  He would just go back to a tattoo parlour and get it fixed up in a couple of weeks.  

It shouldn't have been a big deal, but to Zell it was.  The tattoo was a part of him.  It was what identified him, and even though everything would be fixed soon, at that moment his face was marred by an ugly black line as broken as his heart felt.

"Damn you Seifer," Zell said under his breath.

It would be hard to pass Seifer in the hallways; harder than Zell wanted his life to be.  Balamb Garden just wasn't big enough for the both of them.  Zell had soon decided that if Seifer was going to live there again then he certainly couldn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Squall was there to greet them when Irvine and Trida stumbled off the hired minibus together.  They had both escaped with only minor injuries, but not everyone had fared quite so well.  Quistis had a rather nasty bullet wound in her shoulder that had taken two Curaga spells to heal, and Millie's arm was broken.

"Congratulations." Squall nodded towards the two of them before walking off with Quistis and Xu.

Irvine began scanning the group of people that had come to greet them, hoping to see Zell's face among them.  Irvine was only mildly surprised to find that he wasn't there.  They hadn't exactly parted in the best possible manner.  He found Selphie instead and walked up to her.

"Where's Zell?" he asked.

Selphie didn't answer, choosing instead to look down at her feet.

Irvine was about to press her further when a voice announced over the speaker that they were meant to meet in the second floor hall.

"They decided that rather quickly," Selphie said, obviously eager to change the subject.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was no big surprise when a half hour later Irvine found himself standing in front of Squall alongside Trida as the two of them were given their SeeD rank reports.  Irvine scanned it quickly to find that he had been given a rank that would immediately make him Zell and Selphie's equals.

He stayed as long as was required for civility, congratulating Trida and thanking Squall before he walked briskly out of the room.  Several people congratulated him as he walked out, but his eyes only looked for one person.

Zell should have been there to share the excitement with him, but he was nowhere to be seen.  Irvine spotted Selphie once more and almost ran towards her.

"Where is he?" he demanded.  "He should have been here!  He wouldn't miss something like this, no matter how angry he was with me."

"Well," Selphie began cautiously.  "Seifer came back while you were gone."

Irvine's face paled as various horrible possibilities came to him.

"I know that," he almost snapped.  "But where's Zell?"  
  


"He said…" Selphie hesitated.  "He and Seifer got into a fight and he said that he couldn't stay here and left," Selphie blurted out.

Selphie said this so quickly that it took a couple of seconds for Irvine to register exactly what she had said.  When he did however, his face managed to go even paler.  Sweat began to form on his forehead as he turned to look towards the Garden's front gate.

"Where did he go?" Irvine asked her.

"I don't know," Selphie replied.  "He didn't tell me."

Irvine's thoughts raced as he tried to work out where Zell had run to.  The Garden had been parked just next to Balamb for most of the day.  If he knew Zell at all then he knew that the blonde would visit his mother for at least a little while.  Zell couldn't have left Balamb yet.  If Irvine was quick then he would be able to catch Zell before he went anywhere.

"Don't leave me alone again Zell," Irvine whispered.  He took one more look around at his surroundings before swinging his gun over his shoulder and running towards the front gate.

"But the celebration ball is tonight," Selphie called after him.

"I don't care!" Irvine called back.  "Make some sort of excuse for me will you?"

Irvine turned his attention back to where he was running.  He hoped that his assumptions were right with every bone in his body.  Zell couldn't have gotten too far away.  He wasn't aware of it, but tears had begun to stream down his cheeks, and as he ran he repeated one thing over and over again.

"Don't leave me again."


	3. Snatches

Tanta:  Well, hello again!  As you all know, the disclaimer is on the first page if you want one.  Special thanks to my brother Terry for spending almost an hour rounding up chimeras just so I could get a good look at one for this chapter.  Don't worry, all the nasty things have gone away, so there's no warning apart from the usual, 'watch out, yaoi about'.  N.B. For this chapter _Italics _can also mean dreams.

Now, on with the show, fanfiction…thing.

Chapter Three: Snatches

"Don't leave me again."

Selphie sighed as she watched Irvine run off.  The words that he had spoken seemed all too familiar.  She knew that she had heard Irvine say them at least once before…

_It had been just the three of them, travelling over the hot Galbadian desert in an old truck that clanked and thumped every time they hit even the smallest of ridges.  Selphie sat in the driver's seat and hummed quite happily to herself while the two men sat in the back seats opposite each other, barely saying a word._

_Zell suddenly sat up straighter, his eyes scanning the interior of the truck._

_"Did you hear that?" he asked.  Selphie already knew that Zell had the best hearing out of the three of them, and knew to take him seriously._

_"It was probably just the car again," __Irvine__ said.  "You shouldn't worry about it."_

_"No it wasn't," Zell said, just a little too sharply.  "It was more like…"_

_Zell was interrupted as something large and very strong crashed into the side of the truck, sending it over onto its side.  Zell tumbled off his seat and fell on top of __Irvine__.  For a second the two boys sat staring into each other's faces, both shocked by their sudden closeness, before a large roaring sound came from just outside the truck._

_Zell quickly got to his feet and scrambled to the back of the truck, pushing the doors open before either of his friends could object.  __Irvine__ glanced quickly at Selphie before following Zell._

_"What is it?" he asked Zell as he tumbled out.  "I've never heard of a monster attacking a car before."_

_He stopped dead in his tracks as he approached Zell and turned to look in the same direction as the martial artist._

_"That's probably because most monsters don't look like this," Zell said, his voice becoming high pitched like it did when he was close to panic._

_It was one of the largest monsters any of them had ever seen before.  Even though it stood on all fours its shoulders stood above their heads.  Its neck was broad and thick, and on the end of it was not one, but four heads.  It looked as though someone had rounded up a lion, goat, snake, chameleon and eagle and thrown them all together to come up with a freakishly large and strong monster._

_Irvine__ brought his shotgun out and fired a shot at the beast.  It flinched and immediately turned its attention on the three teenagers.  Zell followed Irvine's lead and attacked as well, getting in a couple of punches before the beast growled and jumped away from them.  Its neck turned, making it look like the heads were spinning around.  The goat's eyes turned bright yellow, and before any of them quite knew what had happened, Zell had frozen stiff.  The colour seemed to have completely drained from his face, clothes and hair, leaving them all a stony grey colour._

_Selphie ignored Irvine's cry of despair and focused on the monster, casting a high level fire spell on it.  __Irvine__ seemed to be brought back to reality and immediately began attacking the monster with all of his might.  The combined attack of the two killed the beast fairly quickly._

_Without worrying about his own minor injuries __Irvine__ grabbed Zell's stiff form and tried casting a cure spell on him.  Still there was no movement from the blonde._

_"Zell," __Irvine__ called.  "Zell, come on.  You have to wake up."_

_When there was still no response __Irvine__ began to grow desperate._

_"Zell!" he called, louder this time.  "Zell, come on.  You've got to be all right.  You've got to wake up now.  You can't leave me again.  Don't leave me alone again!"_

_Irvine began sobbing now, fearing that Zell was dead._

_"Don't leave me again."_

_Selphie watched the two slightly puzzled.  What was __Irvine__ talking about?  It would be a while before __Irvine__ would remind her that they had known each other as children and she would realise the reason behind __Irvine__'s worried babbling._

_She kneeled beside __Irvine__, trying hard not to giggle at his concern._

_"It's all right," she told __Irvine__.  Obviously the sharpshooter had never seen a petrification before.  She herself had experienced petrification once.  It tingled a bit, and then you just blanked out.  It had hurt a little when she had been healed, but apart from that she had been none the worse for wear._

_"He'll be fine.  He's just been petrified," she explained to __Irvine__.  She rummaged around in her pockets for a while before pulling out a small vial.  "This is called Soft.  Sprinkle it over him and he'll be as good as new."_

_She threw it and it was quickly caught by __Irvine__.  He pulled the cap off as swiftly as he possibly could and began to gently sprinkle drops all over Zell's cold grey body.  Small spots of colour returned to Zell's cheeks, and then to his clothes.  Soon there was no stony grey left, only the bright yellow of Zell's hair, the creamy colour of his skin and the red, blue and black of his outfit._

_"__Irvine__," Zell muttered.  He soon realised that he was lying in the sharpshooter's arms and quickly hopped to his feet.  He looked over to see the carcass of the monster gradually disappearing.  "Come on," he said, slightly annoyed, "we should get going."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irvine slowed down as he approached the entrance to Balamb, but only slightly.  He jogged down the main street, before coming to a halt outside the Dincht residence.

One of his hands snuck inside his jacket pocket to hold a small soft object.  Once he felt the mostly smooth surface and the rougher patches that gave away the object's age he found himself relaxing instantly.  No-one else knew that he had it.  If they had, they would more than likely make fun of him, but no matter what everyone else thought, or how little it would be worth in Gil, it remained one of his most prized possessions.

He pulled it out and stared at it for a while.  It was no bigger than three inches tall and rather red and fluffy.  It was a cuddly Moomba that was obviously starting to get old and worn.  One of its eyes was loose, hanging a little way out of its socket, connected only to the rest of it by a worn length of cotton.  Its side showed a crude mending job from a time a couple of years ago when its seam had split open.  

Irvine held it close for a while, before putting it back in his jacket pocket.

He hoped once more that Zell would be at his mother's house.  For the first time he began to wonder what he would do if Zell wasn't there.  He didn't even know what would happen if his suspicions proved to be correct.  Would he be able to convince Zell to come back to Garden?  Irvine doubted it.  Zell probably wouldn't even want to talk to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blonde hair flopped down over blue eyes and a rather forlorn expression as Zell sat slumped at his mother's kitchen table.  A plate of hotdogs sat untouched in front of him.  This alone should have signalled that there was something seriously wrong with him, but Ma Dincht had spent such little time around him lately that it was getting harder and harder for her to correctly interpret Zell's emotions.

She had tried talking to him but Zell had stubbornly ignored nearly everything that she said.  Even she could see that he was depressed, but the cause of it remained a complete mystery to her.

A single knock came from the door, quiet and hesitant as though the person wasn't sure whether they had the right house.  A couple of seconds passed and then another two knocks came, more insistent this time.

"Just a second," Ma Dincht called out, wiping her hands on her apron and walking towards the door.

Zell slumped further down on the table.  He really couldn't care who was at the door.  It was probably only salespeople after all.

He hadn't meant to listen to a single word of conversation between his adopted mother and whoever it was that was at the door until he heard the surprise and joy in Ma Dincht's voice when she greeted them.

"It's you," she said.  "Thank goodness.  Perhaps you can talk some sense into him.  He's talking about leaving."

"You mean he's here?"

Zell recognised the sharpshooter's voice nearly immediately and jumped to his feet.  What in Hyne's name was Irvine doing in Balamb?  He stayed a couple of metres behind Ma Dincht, and checked to make sure that it was Irvine.  He intended to stay out of sight but the redhead spotted him fairly quickly.

"Zell!" he cried, the exhausted look that had been on his face only a second before quickly being replaced by a wide smile.

"I'll leave you two to yourselves then," Ma Dincht commenting, shuffling herself back into the kitchen.  Once his mother had left Zell was able to see how exhausted Irvine looked.  It was an image completely different from what the sharpshooter had looked like when they had met at Galbadia Garden…

_Galbadia Garden was a far cry from Balamb, and the dry and desolate surroundings didn't help to relieve Zell's mild homesickness.  Still, the thought of what they were about to face made Zell want to stay for at least a little while longer.  The long walk to __Deling__City__ and the tough job of having to kill a Sorceress at the end of it was not appealing in the slightest.  Zell was tired, he was hungry, and he still felt rather lost and empty because of the incident with Seifer._

_Not only were they leaving to go on what seemed like a nearly impossibly mission, but they were taking one of the Galbadian students with them.  Zell just knew that whoever this person was, they were not going to get along very well._

_It was only when he heard the sharpshooter's name that he was sure that he was right.  Something began to brew inside of him, a mixture of anger and hatred that felt as real as his current feelings for Seifer.  It felt strange to Zell, considering he hadn't even met __Irvine__ Kinneas before.  He told himself that it was his gut instinct that was telling him not to like this guy; that this newcomer would turn out to be someone that he really shouldn't have liked._

_When the sharpshooter stood up the feeling doubled; tripled, until his heart felt like a gaping wound.  He wasn't even sure whether it was the sharpshooter he should be angry with, but he just felt like pummelling something.  For a brief moment something flashed across his memory but he shook it away angrily._

_Irvine turned around, becoming a whirling mass of brown coat, silver rifle, black hat and auburn hair.  His eyes met Zell's and the blonde felt like his heart had just done a backwards somersault.  Zell had to admit that the other man was beautiful; so beautiful that he wanted to burst.  His feelings; anger, hatred and something that Zell feared might be love mixed and swirled inside him until all he wanted to do was scream._

_Irvine's lips curved into a wide smile as he looked at Zell, and he began striding towards the group of SeeDs as quickly as he could.  For a moment all Zell wanted was to reach out and touch the sharpshooter; to pull him close and not let him go for a long time._

_Another part of him blanched at this thought.  He didn't like the newcomer, did he?  His instincts had told him that he should hate the sharpshooter.  He forced his expression to turn into a scowl._

_Irvine__'s smile disappeared instantly when he saw the look on Zell's face.  Within minutes the sharpshooter was flirting with the girls as though there was no tomorrow, and Zell's emotions finally sorted themselves out.  As soon as __Irvine__ flashed a smile at Selphie and Rinoa, Zell found himself feeling even worse. It felt like the moment when Seifer had first pushed him onto the bed.  It felt like betrayal._

Zell's feelings when Irvine was around hadn't grown any easier to understand, especially since Irvine had reminded everyone of the orphanage, and especially when he was smiling at Zell like he was now.

" 'the hell are you doing here?" Zell sighed.

Irvine looked down at his feet and Zell thought he saw a hint of blush spreading over his cheeks.

"I'm looking for you of course," Irvine replied.  "You kind of just left without telling anyone where you were going and I was worried."  He lifted his gaze then to look at Zell.  "I passed my SeeD test you know."

The blush quickly left Irvine's face as he caught sight of the wound on Zell's face.

"What happened?" Irvine asked him, obviously concerned.

"Seifer happened," Zell said angrily.  He sighed and leaned against the side of the door.  "Look," he started.  "Do you want to come inside?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hotdogs later Zell and Irvine were sat quite comfortably around the Dincht dining room table.  Zell had told Irvine what had happened, careful to leave out anything that would reveal what had previously happened between Seifer and himself, and Irvine had told Zell everything there was to know about his SeeD exam.

"Compared to Ultimecia it was a piece of cake!" Irvine finished, flashing another one of his heart-stopping smiles Zell's way.

"So," the sharpshooter started up again.  "When are you coming back to Garden?"

Zell shook his head slightly.  He stood up slowly, grabbing their plates as he did.  "I'm not going back.  Tomorrow I'm catching a train bound for Timber.  You might as well go back home to Balamb Garden."

Zell tried hard not to look at Irvine as he said this, so he didn't realise that Irvine had stood up and joined him until the sharpshooter's hands reached to take the plates off him and place them back on the table.  Irvine grabbed Zell's hands in his own, and for a while the two of them stood in front of one another, each looking the other squarely in the face while Irvine stroked Zell's hands gently.

"Zell," Irvine finally began.  "Balamb Garden isn't my home right now.  My home at the moment is right here, standing with you.  Zell, my home is wherever you are."

Zell was feeling rather dizzy and confused because of the feelings created by Irvine's hands wrapped around his own.  What Irvine did next didn't improve matters at all either.  Irvine leaned forwards and pressed his lips lightly to Zell's forehead.  Then, before Zell had time to react, Irvine pulled away and began heading for the door.

"Well then," Irvine said as he reached the door.  "If we're leaving then I think I should stock up on a few things.  I'll have to book a room at the hotel for tonight as well."

"Look," Zell called out before Irvine had the chance to disappear into the main street.  "You can sleep with me tonight."

Irvine raised an eyebrow at this.  Zell blushed as soon as he realised what he had said.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Zell defended himself.  "The bed is big enough for two, with clothes on, and with both of them staying a respectable distance away from the other."

"Right," Irvine agreed, trying not to blush.  He knew how protective Zell was of his room.  For Zell to offer Irvine half of his bed, even if it didn't imply the taking off of clothes, was an enormous honour for Irvine, and a rather large show of trust on the blonde's part.  "Do you want anything while I'm at the shops?" Irvine asked Zell.

"No," Zell answered, still trying to stop blushing and failing miserably.  "I'm fine."

Irvine nodded and headed out of the door, leaving Zell alone with the dishes and his own rather scrambled thoughts.

He had no idea why Irvine wanted to follow him, but he couldn't help but feel immensely grateful to the sharpshooter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night the two of them lay in Zell's bed, wearing clothes and staying a respectable distance away from each other.  They had both stayed rather silent as they had crawled into bed, and Zell seemed to be blushing every couple of minutes.

Once they had settled down Irvine began fiddling nervously with something.  He had just remembered that he had left Sparky the Moomba in his jacket pocket.  It was too late to do anything about it without having to explain to Zell.  He would just have to hope that Sparky remained undiscovered.  It was then that a thought came to mind.

"Zell," Irvine began, stirring Zell back from the brink of sleep.  "Are you sure that you want to do this?"

"No," Zell admitted.  "But I can't go back while Seifer's there."

"Why do you hate him so much?" Irvine finally asked, and immediately regretted it.  Zell's face paled as he relived the painful memories for what seemed the hundredth time.  A part of Irvine still had to know however, and he pressed further, a trace of hope still in his voice.  "Is it..." Irvine hesitated.  "Is it because you remember something from when we were kids?"  A pitter-patter began as rain started to fall against the window.  "Or is it because of something that's happened since then?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Zell answered stubbornly, rolling over so that his back was facing Irvine.

"Night Zell," Irvine called softly.

"G'night Irvine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night Irvine was visited by one of the most beautiful dreams he had ever experienced.  It hadn't started out as beautiful though.

_The rain must have registered in his subconscious mind, because __Irvine__ found himself standing in a downpour on a cold, stone street.  The clouds were so heavy overhead that it was impossible to tell whether it was day or night._

_"Irvy," he heard someone call softly._

_He turned around to find Zell standing there, wearing __Irvine__'s jacket and holding Sparky the Moomba in his hands.  The gash on his face had paled a little, but it was still there, painfully obvious from how close __Irvine__ was standing.  The rain bounced off the martial artist without even touching him, making Zell appear to be glowing._

_"Irvy," Zell repeated.  Irvine wanted to answer him, but no words would come from his mouth.  "I may have forgotten you," Zell continued, "but don't forget about me."_

_Zell took two long strides towards __Irvine__.  He then placed a hand on his heart, which glowed bright red at the touch.  When he pulled his hand away the glow seemed to remain on his hands like blood, staining his fingers and slowly running over his palm._

_"It hurts," Zell stated._

_He then reached out and grabbed __Irvine__'s hand with both of his own and pressed it to the red light in his chest.  The red disappeared, quickly being replaced with a white light so beautiful and bright that it was almost blinding.  Irvine had to close his eyes to the light, and when he opened them again he found that the cold dark street had disappeared with the red light, to be replaced with a beach, bathed in the glorious rainbow glow of a sunset._

_Zell smiled up at Irvine and then closed the small amount of distance between them with a single step, wrapping his arms around __Irvine__ and burying his head in sharpshooter's chest._

_Irvine had no choice but to respond, returning the embrace with just a little more enthusiasm than was required.  He leaned his head on top of Zell's, breathing in the sweet smell of his blonde locks, like hair-gel and berry scented shampoo and a dozen other things that he couldn't name._

_He didn't know how long they stayed like that, and he couldn't really care.  He wanted it to last forever._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Thunder crashed outside of the orphanage, causing the five-year-old Zell to squeal with fear.  A small part of him knew that this was only a dream; that really he was safe in his bed in Balamb, a fully grown man, but it didn't stop him from being scared out of his wits.  It didn't really feel like a dream anyway.  It felt more like remembering._

_A flash of lightning lit up the surrounding countryside.  The thunder followed almost immediately this time._

_Zell shrieked again.  He hated thunderstorms._

_"That means that it's really close," Quistis said in a matter-of-fact voice._

_"Oh no," Zell moaned, sitting up in bed and wrapping his blankets closer around his shoulders._

_They all knew that they were meant to be asleep, but this thunderstorm was far too loud and excited to sleep through._

_"Zell's scared," __Irvine__ commented, only a tiny hint of teasing in his voice._

_"That's 'cause he's a chicken-wuss!" Seifer called from the other side of the room._

_"Am not!" Zell yelled back.  "I just don't like thunder."_

_"Zelly," __Irvine__ spoke again.  "You can share with me if you like.  It makes it less scary."_

_"Really?" Zell asked, just a little surprised that __Irvine__ would be so nice to him.  No-one had ever cared if Zell was scared before, and ever since __Irvine__ had arrived at the orphanage nearly a month ago he had teased him nearly as much as Seifer._

_"Yeah sure," __Irvine__ said, shuffling over and lifting up the sheets so that Zell could crawl inside._

_"He's so scared he has to go crawling to Irvy to ask him to save him," Seifer called out._

_"Shut up Seifer!" Irvine yelled back before Zell could, startling the older boy.  "You're just jealous 'cause no-one's ever gonna want to share with you!"_

_Seifer didn't know what to say to this and stayed silent._

_"Thanks," Zell giggled, curling up in __Irvine__'s blankets._

_"It's okay," __Irvine__ said, reaching over to hug Zell.  "I like you."_

_The thunderstorm didn't seem so bad or scary now that he was in __Irvine__'s arms.  It made Zell feel safe, as though nothing, not even Seifer or the thunderstorm could ever hurt him, and he drifted off to sleep happily._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Zell and Irvine were now asleep and content in their dreams, so neither of them saw the figure that stood outside Zell's house, looking up at his window.

He smiled, despite the fact that it was raining, and walked off down the street, literally disappearing into the night.


	4. Journeys

Tanta: Hey all!  This chapter goes out to Angel Reid, my co-conspirator and fellow Zellvine fanatic.  As requested, Sparky has been dignified. ;)

Also, I've decided to give a request to anyone who can correctly guess who the man at the end of last chapter was.  I betcha you'll never get it!  Nothing has changed since the last chapter.  Squaresoft still hasn't given me Zell and Irvine as a present, so I still don't own them.  

Chapter Four – Journeys

Zell awoke in the morning feeling rather more warm and comfortable then he was used to.  It took him a while to wake up completely and realise that the warmth was caused by Irvine's body pressed up against his back.

Sometime during the night Irvine had shuffled closer and grabbed Zell in a tight embrace.  Irvine's leg was curled over Zell's hip, his arms were wrapped firmly around Zell's waist and his head rested in between Zell's neck and shoulders, causing shivers to run up and down Zell's body every time Irvine breathed.

Not that Zell minded Irvine holding him, even if it was rather possessively.

He lay there for a while longer, enjoying the simple pleasure of another person's warmth rather guiltily.  There was no doubt in Zell's mind that Irvine had no idea how he was holding the blonde.  When the sharpshooter awoke he would probably pull away from Zell immediately.  Zell decided that it would be a lot better for the two of them if he pretended that he was still asleep when Irvine awoke, saving them both from a rather embarrassing situation.

Still, he couldn't help but reach down and cover Irvine's hands with his own, effectively keeping them in place.  Zell was surprised by how good he was feeling.  After the run-in with Seifer the day before he would have thought that nothing could make him happy, yet here he was, happier then he could ever remember being before.  Perhaps it was just the remnants of his dream clouding his judgement, or perhaps…

Irvine began to stir, moaning something that Zell couldn't quite catch.  Irvine soon yawned, the sound echoing ten fold in Zell's ear because of their proximity to each other.

"Morning Zell," Irvine whispered sleepily.  "Are you awake?"

Zell was frozen into place.  He had expected Irvine to pull away, but when Irvine moved it was only to wriggle into a more comfortable position and pull Zell even closer.  

Irvine should have been embarrassed, not happy.

Then again, this was the same Irvine who had kissed him on the forehead yesterday, Zell realised with a grin.

After a quick think Zell decided to stick to his original idea of pretending to be asleep, if only to see what Irvine would do while his eyes were closed.

"I'll take that as a no," Irvine said when Zell stayed silent.

One of Irvine's hands crept slowly out from under Zell's as he reached up to begin stroking Zell's blonde hair.  The martial artist had washed all of the gel out of it the night before so that now it hung over his eyes in bangs.

"I had the nicest dream last night," Irvine told him.  "You were in it too you know, and I made the pain go away.  I don't know what it is that's hurting you at the moment, but I made it disappear."  Irvine paused, and Zell was surprised to hear Irvine sniffle a little.  "I'd do that you know.  If you would only let me know what's wrong then I'd do anything that I could to make it better.  I swear if Seifer's done anything to hurt you then he's going to pay, because I miss the normal you.  I miss what you're like when you're happy and away from Seifer.  Please.  I just want to help you."

Zell almost jumped when he heard Irvine chuckle suddenly.  It was such a sharp contrast to the emotional Irvine of just a couple of seconds before.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this now, while you can't hear me," Irvine continued.  "I guess I'm just not brave enough to tell you when you're awake.  Damn it, I'm the chicken-wuss, not you.  Well, I guess I better wake you up now huh?"

Irvine began to stroke the side of Zell's face with just enough force to wake someone up.

"Wake up Zell," he whispered.  "Remember, we're going to Timber today.  It's time to wake up."

Zell let his eyelids flutter open slowly, keeping the illusion that he had been asleep through Irvine's spiel.  Suddenly, the fact that the two of them were so close while they were conscious was too much for him.  It was alright when they were asleep; they didn't know any better; but to stay in Irvine's arms would be acknowledging that he liked Irvine, and that was something that he wasn't ready for.

"Get off me," Zell told Irvine, scrambling out of the other man's grasp, and falling off the bed and onto the floor in the process.

Irvine merely laughed, although Zell thought he saw a slight hint of the blush that was beginning to look all too familiar on Irvine's face.

"I'm sorry," Irvine said.  "So like, are we going to go to Timber today or not?  Because if we are, then I think you might want to change out of your pyjamas."

Zell merely scowled at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Two tickets to Timber please," Irvine announced as he handed over a small wad of cash to the train attendant, trying to sound cheerful about it.  

Zell's mother by adoption had come to the station to bid them farewell, seeming awfully calm for someone whose son was about to leave home for a city that was currently close to civil war.  Then again, Irvine figured, Zell did similar all the time as a member of Garden.

Irvine waved to Ma Dincht, forcing himself to keep the smile plastered to his face as he did so.  A couple of minutes passed as he followed Zell into the carriage, and then finally Zell announced that he was going to go into a more private room, and Irvine was left alone.

The smile slipped from his face as easily as the small bag of luggage from his hand.  He leaned against the train window and watched mindlessly as the scenery slowly rolled past, all the same unidentifiable black and dark brown caused by being underground.

The morning had been absolute hell.

What had he been thinking?  Had he really thought that when Zell woke up they would both be able to lie there in absolute happiness?  Had he really been so blissfully unaware of reality that he had thought, if only for a fraction of a minute, that Zell might actually like him?

They had spent most of the morning blushing, or in Zell's case scowling, every time they looked at each other, and had therefore tried to spend as little time as possible in each other's company.

It always seemed to happen that way.  Just as Irvine thought that he and Zell might finally have some semblance of the friendship they had formed as little kids, something happened to ruin everything the sharpshooter had tried so hard to restore.

Irvine began to call himself every imaginable name under the sun.

There was nothing for it.  He would have to walk into the room Zell had just disappeared into, sit down closer to him in these railway seats than would be comfortable at that point in time and apologise for something that he wasn't in the least bit sorry for.

He stayed in the aisle for a little while longer.  From somewhere at the other end of the carriage someone was playing a song that seemed vaguely familiar to Irvine, but try as hard as he could, he couldn't quite place it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell slumped against the train seat, wishing that for once his emotions would make at least some sort of sense to him.  The strains of some music in the room next to his began to reach his ears, and for a while he just relaxed and listened to the lyrics, wishing that they weren't quite so appropriate.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened and Irvine entered, dumping his bag on the floor before walking resolutely up to Zell and sitting next to him on the seat.

"Zell," Irvine began, looking the other man straight in the eye.  "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened this morning.  I shouldn't have touched you like that without your permission."

Zell shrugged.

"It's not your fault.  You were asleep, right?" he asked the sharpshooter, trying not to say it sarcastically, and was surprised when Irvine didn't answer.  "It doesn't matter anyway," he forced himself to continue.  If Irvine was going to be following him then he didn't want their journey to start out so hatefully.  "We're pretty stupid if we let something as little as that get in the way of our friendship."

Those simple words seemed to be all it took for peace to be re-established, but Zell found himself desperately wishing that Irvine would just hurry up and hold him like he had just that morning, even though he knew that even if the sharpshooter did, he would just push Irvine away again.  He found himself wanting to scream, not for the first time since he had met up with Irvine.

He screamed for real when the lights in their carriage suddenly went off, plunging the two of them into darkness.  For some reason though, the music kept going.  Whoever was playing it must have had a battery operated radio.

To Zell's relief the lights soon flickered back on, only to be replaced by a loud bang as thunder struck outside somewhere.  He couldn't help but jump again as the noise echoed throughout the train.

A voice soon crackled over the speakers.

"We're sorry passengers for that minor power failure.  It appears that there is some turbulence on the track to Timber.  We will be reversing shortly to return underground until the storm passes.  We apologise, but it is simply not safe for us to continue over land until the weather clears.  We may be delayed for up to half an hour.  We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause."

Thunder struck once more.  Zell shrieked again.  He had never quite stopped being scared of thunderstorms.

_You can share with me if you like.  It makes it less scary…_

Zell's dream returned to him with embarrassing clarity, causing him to blush and sink further into the cushions of the seat he was sitting on.

"Are you still afraid of thunder?" Irvine asked him, noticing the blonde boy's behaviour.

Zell only nodded and tried to concentrate on the smooth and steady motion of the train moving into reverse, only barely registering the fact that Irvine had shuffled closer to him.

Irvine meanwhile, was watching Zell with concern.  He had hoped that with time Zell would have grown out of his fear of thunderstorms, yet here he was as scared as any time he had been when they were children.

"Do you remember," Zell began, startling Irvine, "when we were kids at the orphanage, and there were thunderstorms?"  Zell was hesitant to say any more, just in case his dream the night before had been no more than that, and not the memory that he suspected it might be.

"You were so scared of them back then as well," Irvine continued.  "Not everything changes, I guess."

"I remember things occasionally, you know," Zell kept talking, hoping that it would distract him from the noise of the thunderstorm outside.  "Just little snatches, but sometimes I don't know whether they're real memories or not, so it gets confusing.  I remember that Seifer used to pick on me about being scared, but you used to stick up for me.  I think I remember one time when you told him to shut up.  I liked you so much for doing that."

Zell looked up from the spot on the floor that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to find that Irvine was watching him with a thoughtful smile on his face.

"Sometimes I wondered if you remembered anything," Irvine said, the grin on his face completely genuine for the first time that day.  "You just seemed to hate me so much when we met up in Galbadia Garden that I thought you'd forgotten me completely."

"I had," Zell said, silencing the both of them.  "Like I said; I don't remember that much even now."

Irvine paused for a second as though thinking, before plunging a hand into one of his jacket pockets and searching around for something.  After a couple of seconds he pulled out a rather ragged looking toy Moomba and placed it in Zell's hands.

"Do you remember this?" he asked the blonde.

Zell's eyes widened in wonder as he gazed at the fluffy toy in his hands.  His face lit up into a bright smile.

"Sparky!" he called out, clutching the Moomba in his hands so tightly that Irvine was half afraid that it would fall apart.  "It was my Christmas present, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Irvine agreed, grinning widely.  "It was the only Christmas that everyone was at the orphanage for.  It was only a little present I guess, but you used to love him.  Sparky used to go with you everywhere.  Do you remember the time that you almost lost him?"

Zell shook his head, and Irvine sighed in exasperation.

"Seifer threw him into the ocean and you started bawling your eyes out.  It was only a little way out, but you insisted that because Matron told us that we should never go swimming without her that he was lost.  I ended up swimming out and getting him back for you.  You were screaming the whole time, afraid that I was going to get eaten by a monster or something.  I got into so much trouble for it too."

Irvine chuckled at the memory.

"You left him behind at the orphanage when you left with your adopted mother," Irvine continued, suddenly growing serious.

"And you kept him all this time?" Zell asked, staring at the cuddly Moomba in disbelief.

"Of course I did.  It was my only memory of you," Irvine said.  Zell turned to look at him questioningly.  "Of the orphanage gang I mean," Irvine added in a hurry, not willing to let his full feelings for Zell be known at that moment.

Zell smiled and looked down at the cuddly Moomba in his hands once more, wondering if Irvine's behaviour really meant what he was beginning to hope that it would.

He shook himself as he remembered what had happened last time he had thought to let his guard down too much in front of someone that he thought he could trust.  His scar began hurting as the memories began to come to the surface.  

_The harsh feeling of Seifer's rough palms against his…_

_The seemingly minor pain as Seifer continuously nibbled at his ear…_

_His cries of pain that were completely ignored… _

Why couldn't the GFs take these memories instead of the good ones?

"No!  Get away from me!" Zell screamed, jumping away from Irvine, who had only reached over to place his hand on top of Zell's in a comforting gesture.

For a moment the memories had seemed far too real.

A rather large clap of thunder sounded outside, causing the lights to flicker again, making the cabin flash in between complete darkness and a picture of heartbreak.  Zell had fled to the other side of the room and now sat on the carpeted floor near the doorway holding his hand as though something had bitten him.  Irvine stood where he had been sitting until a moment before, startled by Zell's sudden movement.

"I'm sorry," Zell sobbed from on the floor.  "I'm sorry, because all of this is my own fault, and I don't deserve someone as nice as you following me, because this is just going to keep happening again and again.  You should have just stayed back at Balamb Garden."

"No way Zell," Irvine said very carefully, conscious that Zell was almost unaware of what he was rambling about.  He walked very slowly towards the blonde and sat beside him on the floor.  "I couldn't stay back there and I'm not going back now.  Something's wrong, and I'm not going to leave until you've completely gotten over it."

"But you don't understand!" Zell protested.  "I'm a filthy rotten slut and that's the only reason that I'm in trouble now.  I don't deserve you.  If you knew what had happened then you would definitely turn around and go back, because you'd hate me so much."

Zell paused as he heard the words leave his mouth.  He hadn't realised what he was truly afraid of until he had admitted it just then.  Was that why he kept pushing Irvine away; because he felt that he didn't deserve him?  Maybe.  But why then had he felt such hatred when he had first seen the sharpshooter at Galbadia Garden?

It didn't matter now.  If Irvine and the rest of Zell's friends found out what had happened then they would hate Zell as much as he hated himself.  He was sure of it.

He pulled Sparky the Moomba closer, not caring how childish it might look.

"Zell."  Irvine wanted so badly to reach out and comfort Zell; to just place a hand on the other man's shoulder, but after what had just happened he wasn't sure how Zell would react.  "No matter what you've done," Irvine continued, "or what you think you might have done, I'm never going to hate you.  I promise I won't."

Zell seemed to have settled down a little, and Irvine judged that it would be all right to put his hand on Zell's shoulder as he had wanted to.  He was incredibly glad when for once, Zell didn't pull away.

"What if I told you that I liked guys?" Zell asked Irvine.  Maybe Irvine had meant the kiss on the forehead and all the touching and cuddling in a perfectly platonic way.  Maybe he would be freaked out that the guy he had been touching might hope that the touches had meant something else.

Irvine merely shrugged.

"Is that what this is all about?" the redhead asked.  "You thought I wouldn't like you if I found out that you were gay?"  No wonder Zell had been shrinking away from him, Irvine thought, realising with a grin that Zell might have been hoping for even more than the sharpshooter had.

"Not really," Zell answered, although he was slightly relieved.  "I guess that it is a little part of it though."

Irvine paused for a second, realising that the thunder outside had almost disappeared.  As if on cue the train started up again, emerging from out of the underground tunnel into sunlight.

"You really don't mind?" Zell asked him, flashing a hopeful smile towards Irvine.

"Not at all," Irvine answered, leaning back against the door.

From somewhere near the other end of the carriage, a strain of hauntingly familiar music stopped as a tape came to the end.


	5. Acquaintances

Chapter Five - Acquaintances

_Picture a scene almost half a year old.  It should be fresh in the minds of our two heroes, but because of circumstances involving the need for GFs they have already forgotten.  It only remains in the memories of a fifty-four year old hotel owner in Balamb._

_"You stay away from her too Zell," the greying-haired man commands._

_"Me?!" the hyperactive blonde objects.___

_"You're also the sort of person who teases people that you like," the hotel owner says with a subtle nod in the direction of a red-headed cowboy who is standing slightly behind Zell._

_Irvine__'s eyes widen as he catches the older man's innuendo._

_"I guess," he starts, with a flourish directed at his shorter blonde friend, "that's what I was like when we were kids, huh Zell?"_

_Zell tries to ignore the subtleties in __Irvine__'s voice and fails miserably.  Had __Irvine__ teased him when they were younger?  He wouldn't have been at all surprised._

_"I guess," Zell hazards, unsure whether __Irvine__ is searching for his friendship or not._

_Neither of them realise when the third member of their group, Squall Leonhart, leaves the scene as he senses that the conversation is probably going to turn far too emotional and friendly for his liking._

_"Ummm..." Irvine hesitates, rubbing the back of his head as he does when he is unsure.  "I've noticed that you don't really like me much, and I was wondering if we could change that."  __Irvine__ spills out this sentence quickly as though he wants to get the conversation over and done with._

_"Are you saying that you want to be my friend?" Zell asks.  Both are now completely oblivious to the hotel owner who is standing with his hands on his hips and watching them with some interest._

_Irvine nods, looking quite sheepish as he does so, and then Zell bursts out laughing._

_" 'the__ hell __Irvine__!  You're as thick as Selphie some times," he laughs.  For a moment the two of them forget everything; Seifer, the war, even their own confused feelings for each other; and they laugh together, even though Irvine's still not sure what they are laughing about.  Laughter is after all, contagious._

_"You're my friend already Irvine," Zell laughs, wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye.  Irvine just gives him a blank look.  "Do you honestly think I would let anyone who I didn't consider a friend into my room?  I just don't do all of that sappy friendship crap that you and Selphie seem to like so much."_

_It was a strange event to bring the two of them closer, but after that they barely left each other's side._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hotel owner in Timber wasn't nearly as friendly as the one at Balamb.  He had only done the minimum that his position required; taking their money and showing them to their rooms.  He didn't even take note of their names.

Irvine and Zell dumped their luggage in their room before walking out to explore the town.  The hotel room wasn't quite as nice as the ones that they were used to and they were anxious to get out of them as soon as possible.  Irvine and Zell made a silent agreement to make finding new accommodations one of the first things on their 'to do' list.

"So like, why are we here?" Irvine suddenly said as they passed various shops and buildings, all surrounded by Galbadian soldiers.  "And I don't mean in a philosophical sense.  I mean, why did you want to come to Timber of all places?"

Zell paused for a while and Irvine wondered if the blonde had even heard the question.  They walked the length of a couple more streets, and Irvine noticed that Zell kept glancing at the nearby soldiers.  Finally there were no soldiers around and Zell finally answered.

"I thought I could actually do something here, you know," he said, kicking a rock on the ground aimlessly.  "I thought I might join a resistance group, or something, and try and help them gain their independence."

Another soldier walked past, causing Zell to be silent until they had turned a corner.

"I mean, we saved all of existence, right, so freeing a country shouldn't be too big of a deal."

Zell looked over at his friend, trying to gauge Irvine's response, but Irvine was looking elsewhere.  Zell followed his gaze to discover that Irvine was watching a rather slim and attractive man in a store across the road.  The man had short reddish brown hair that hung over one of his pitch black eyes and wore a simple outfit consisting of a pair of blue jeans, a cream coloured top and denim jacket.  Zell admitted to himself that the man was quite gorgeous, but he was still filled with an inordinate amount of jealousy that Irvine should be watching another man.  It didn't even register in his mind that Irvine was supposed to be straight.

Irvine smiled and headed in the direction of the other man, completely oblivious to the fact that Zell was practically turning red with rage beside him.

"Who is that guy?" Zell asked Irvine as they approached the man.

"Trida!" Irvine called out, causing the other man to spin around and smile at the two of them.

"Irvine!  What are you doing here?" Trida asked, obviously just as surprised as Irvine by their meeting.

"It's a long story, but I'll probably be living here for a while.  This is Zell," Irvine continued, finally introducing the two of them, and still acting as though he was completely oblivious to the jealousy that was starting to become too strong for Zell to keep unhidden.  "Zell, this is Trida.  We passed the SeeD exam together."

Zell finally relaxed as he was given a perfectly reasonable excuse as to how Irvine was acquainted with the gorgeous male.  Even still, he was careful to watch the two of them as they talked.  He didn't even know why he was so jealous.  He didn't want anything more than friendship from Irvine, did he?

"So, what are you doing here?" Irvine continued the conversation as the three of them walked towards a café across the road to sit down and chat.

"Oh, following up the business with the Forest Racoons, mostly," Trida said, pulling up a chair and sitting down.  "Those guys are working really hard at the moment.  It's kind of nice to know that all our work in the exam wasn't for nothing."

"We were thinking of joining a resistance group like that," Zell mentioned, speaking for the first time since they had met Trida.  "Isn't that right Irvine?"

Irvine's attention was on Trida once more.  Irvine's brows furrowed as he watched the other SeeD, and Zell began to realise that he didn't like anything about the newcomer, especially the way Irvine kept paying him attention.

"What?" Trida asked as Irvine leaned closer.  "Oh, the hair colour," he said, just a little too quickly in Zell's opinion.  "I had it dyed as a little reward to myself for passing the SeeD exam."

Irvine nodded and smiled and said that it suited Trida wonderfully, but Zell wasn't nearly impressed.  Trida's new colour was just a little too close to Irvine's for him to be happy.  

The three of them ordered lunch and ate in relative companionship.  Most of the conversation revolved around the SeeD exam and the Forest Racoons.  Zell tried to be interested in what they were saying, but soon felt just a little left out.

Eventually a waitress came and took their plates, and after a couple more minutes of nearly pointless conversation Trida glanced at his watch and then stood up from the table.

"I'm sorry guys," he apologised, "but I've got a meeting with Hagan and Togun that I have to go to.  Good luck to the two of you."

Irvine and Trida nodded a quick farewell to each other, and Zell forced himself to be courteous and farewell the SeeD politely.  As soon as Trida was out of sight Irvine turned around and fixed Zell with an enquiring and mildly annoyed expression on his face.

"Why don't you like him?" he asked Zell.

"What?" Zell asked.  He would have thought that Irvine had been too involved in what the brunette had been saying and doing to notice Zell's dislike of Trida.  "What do you mean 'don't like him.'"

"You were practically death-staring him the entire time the three of us were together Zell," Irvine explained.

"I wasn't," Zell protested.  "I just don't warm up to people as quickly as you do.  I didn't like you when we met in Galbadia Garden, remember?" the blonde pointed out.

Irvine winced quite visibly as Zell reminded him of that meeting.

"It doesn't mean that I won't like him eventually," Zell said, trying to cover up the real reason he disliked Trida so much.  Just as there was a different reason behind the coldness he showed Irvine when they had first met, there was another reason behind his distrust of Trida.  As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had begun to fall in love with Irvine a long time ago, and his love was only growing as he learned more about the sharpshooter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell and Irvine spent most of the afternoon searching around Timber for a place to stay.  Unfortunately, Timber wasn't the best place in which to be hiring out rooms to people.  The tenants you attracted could prove to be anything from revolutionaries to soldiers, and depending on which side you were on, either tenant could prove to be very bad news.  Consequently, Zell and Irvine had only found one room that was for rent, and the owner had said quite plainly that she wouldn't have both of them staying in the same room.

The sky grew darker and cloudier as the afternoon wore on, and around sunset a light rain began to fall, sprinkling freezing cold water over the two men.

It wouldn't have been too bad if they had been able to get back to the hotel quickly, but they were on the other side of town, nearly an hour's walk away from their hotel.  Cursing slightly, Irvine began looking around for some shelter, and finally ducked into the café where they had sat with Trida earlier.

He looked over at Zell to find that his companion was an absolute wreck.  The gel had been washed out of Zell's hair, and his blonde bangs now flopped over his face making him look younger.  His top was much thinner than Irvine's, and was now clinging to him, causing the blonde to shiver at the cold water.  

At least Irvine had his jacket to help keep him warm.

Shrugging his jacket off Irvine realised that underneath, his clothes were mostly dry; at least, mostly dry compared to Zell's.  Leaning over he wrapped the jacket around Zell's shoulders.  Zell found himself warming up almost immediately.  He wriggled his arms up to pull the jacket's thick sleeves on properly.  It felt really comforting, like warm summer days in Balamb, and it smelt of Irvine.

He almost jumped as he realised something.  Putting his hands in his pocket he reached in and pulled out a rather wet Sparky the Moomba and began a crude attempt to dry it on his soaking wet pants.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irvine laughed at Zell's concern for the fluffy Moomba.  It seemed that even after years without it Zell was still attached to the small toy.  He found himself feeling wonderfully happy and relieved that keeping it for Zell had proved to make the other man so happy.

Irvine watched fondly as Zell finished trying to dry Sparky.  Zell sensed Irvine watching him and looked up, their eyes meeting instantly.  Zell blushed and stood up completely.  

It took Irvine's breath away.  Zell was standing in a Timber street, wearing his jacket and holding Sparky the Moomba, exactly as he had seen the man in his dream.

He was so beautiful that Irvine was finding it almost impossible to resist.  Part of him screamed that Zell was a friend, and that taking that friendship any further would be stupid, but another, larger part of him kept insisting that it would not only be all right, but would also be wonderful.  The dream the night before seemed almost like an omen.  Besides, Zell liked men, didn't he?  There wouldn't be anything wrong with it anymore.

He took a couple of steps towards Zell, bringing his hand up to caress the side of the blonde's face.  Zell closed his eyes slowly and found himself leaning into the touch.  Irvine's other hand reached up to trace a finger down the broken black line on the other side of Zell's face.  The blonde's eyes fluttered open as Irvine touched his scar.

They were so close now that they could feel each other's breath tingling against their lips.  Zell's arms moved up to hook around Irvine's shoulders, and Irvine took this as a sign to continue.

It was impossible to tell who kissed who.  Zell leaned forward just as Irvine did.  Their lips pressed against each other, very gently at first, and then harder as they felt each other respond.

Irvine went deeper, plunging his tongue into Zell's mouth, exploring as much of the warmth as he possibly could.  Zell moaned quite loudly with Irvine's every movement. The sharpshooter began to wonder if this was perhaps the source of Zell's worry.  Perhaps Zell had just been afraid that Irvine didn't love him back.  The thought filled him with hope and resolve to continue what he was doing.

He kissed Zell as passionately as he could, letting Zell know exactly how much he loved the blonde.

Zell was finding it increasingly difficult to stop his legs from collapsing out from under him.  Irvine just felt so good that he almost forgot everything else that had happened to him, including Seifer.  Almost.

Irvine's lips eventually broke contact with Zell's.  The sharpshooter's mouth moved down, pressing kisses to Zell's jaw and neck, and then finally his mouth moved up to gently nip at the blonde's ear.

"No!" Zell screamed, jumping out of Irvine's arms.  "Don't come near me!"

Irvine paused.  Had he misjudged?  Didn't Zell want him?  He was almost sure that Zell had been enjoying it, but from the look on Zell's face the martial artist was currently somewhere between distraught and furious.

Zell couldn't believe how stupid he had been.  It was going to happen all over again; the pain, the awkward encounters; and he would lose Irvine forever as a friend, all because he had been stupid enough to actually kiss the sharpshooter. 

"Don't come near me," Zell said again as he turned his back on the sharpshooter.  Tears were already starting to well up in his eyes at the thought of what had just happened, but he was still coherent enough to hear Irvine's footsteps as the sharpshooter began following him.

He spun around just long enough to warn the sharpshooter.  "Don't follow me either.  Don't follow me or I swear I'll…  Just stay there.  Let me go."

Zell didn't know what he thought he would do if Irvine kept following him, and he couldn't really care.  All he knew was that he wanted to be alone for a while to sort everything out and come to grips with what he had just done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Don't follow me or I swear I'll…  Just stay there.  Let me go."

_I can't Zell, because…_

Because every smile Zell sent his way made his heart flutter more than flirting with countless girls in Galbadia ever could.  Because the last time they had been separated he had been thrown into a fit of depression that lasted almost as long as his childhood.  Because his teenage life had been as screwed up as his childhood, only the sport of flirting could ever make him forget what he had lost, and then only for a few minutes.  Because he felt as though he would be better off dead than live without Zell by his side.  

_Because I love you.___

Irvine put one hesitant footstep out of the café, feeling a couple of raindrops fall on his boots as he did so.  He glanced up, realising that Zell was getting further away by the second.  He moved another step, and then another, until he was running after Zell, no longer caring about what Zell had said.  He only cared that Zell was going away.  He was going to be left alone in the rain and _Zell was leaving._

_Don't leave me again…_

Zell was just ahead now and Irvine slowed to a walk.

Zell froze as he heard Irvine approach behind him.  Without thinking he swung around, bringing his fist up in an arc.

A crack echoed through the rainy streets as Zell's fist connected with Irvine's face.  The sharpshooter looked vaguely surprised for a moment before his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell backwards onto the ground.  He landed in an awkward spread of arms and legs that didn't look healthy to Zell's eyes.

The blonde seemed frozen to the spot.  The sight of Irvine lying there so very still disturbed him in a way that nothing else ever had.  Was Irvine even breathing?  It soon became clear that he wasn't, and the realisation made Zell stumble back a couple of steps.  He couldn't have killed Irvine, could he?  It was just one punch.  It flickered through his mind that 'just one punch' had killed countless monsters before, many just as strong as his friend.  

He had just killed the only person that loved him enough to follow him through anything.

"No…" he whispered, unaware that he even spoke.  "Irvine, no, wake up.  I didn't mean it."

Across the street a woman shouted out as she caught sight of Irvine's body lying on the ground.  A very small amount of shock left Zell as he heard the sound and he realised with horror that a couple of Galbadian soldiers were rounding a corner ahead.

He considered running, but he didn't want to leave Irvine alone.  Looking behind him he realised there was no hope anyway.  Another few soldiers were running up behind him.

"He killed that man!" the woman screamed, pointing towards Zell.  For a second Zell considered his chances of taking them all on by himself, but he was still in shock and didn't have the will or the energy.  More people came out of their homes as they heard of all the commotion, and Zell knew that he didn't stand a chance.

A couple of the soldiers grabbed his hands, and began pulling him behind them as they strode towards the Timber jail.  Zell could still see where Irvine lay on the floor, now surrounded by people wondering what had happened.  A rather large woman moved in front of Zell, blocking his view of the sharpshooter.

Zell finally snapped out of the shock his own actions had forced him into and he began to struggle against the arms of the soldiers dragging him along the road.  He had to get at least one arm free.  He had to heal Irvine.  

"That's enough of that!" one of the soldiers said, hitting Zell in the stomach and knocking him to the floor.  "Timber doesn't tolerate murderers."

He flung one arm out desperately, hoping to be able to see Irvine clearly, but there were too many people in the way.  The soldiers began to crowd around him, gathering him up again and pulling him in the direction of the jail once more.

"Full-life!" he yelled, flinging one arm out towards Irvine, hoping that the precious spell would reach its target.  He kept his eyes glued to the spot where he had left Irvine, hoping to see the sharpshooter get to his feet and begin running after them.

They soon turned a corner and Zell lost sight of Irvine's body.

No-one noticed the small toy Moomba that had fallen out of Zell's pocket and now lay in the rain on the cold stone street.


	6. Realisation

Chapter Six: Realisation

Zell crawled over to a corner of the jail cell and waited until the guard had disappeared.  As soon as the footsteps receded into the distance he began sobbing gently.

They had taken away his GFs with a complicated machine that had given him a headache, but he couldn't really care about the pain.  His only thoughts were of Irvine.

_He can't be gone.  He just can't be gone._

At least they had let him keep Irvine's jacket.  He snuggled further into it, inhaling deeply as he did, hoping to catch more of Irvine's scent.

Zell rummaged in his pockets, hoping that the presence of Sparky the Moomba would help him feel a little less lonely.  For a brief moment he wondered what it would look like to the guards if a murderer was to find refuge in a cuddly toy.

His amusement was soon gone as he found his pocket completely empty.  Sparky, his only remaining comfort, was gone as well.  He began to sob again, a weak crying sound that had nothing to do with pain or discomfort, but was caused by complete and utter heartbreak.

Irvine had liked him, maybe even loved him, and all Zell had done was knock him unconscious at least, probably even kill him.

_You are such a fucking screw-up,_ Zell told himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rain fell gently onto the bare streets of Timber, making a very gentle, almost relaxing sound as it hit the stone; making almost no sound whatsoever as it hit the face of a man lying in the street.

Trida approached the few people still standing around Irvine's body.  "Don't worry," Trida told them.  "He's a relative of mine.  I'll take care of everything."

With Trida's new hair colour it was easy to believe and the citizens of Timber shuffled off to whatever else their lives demanded of them.  Eventually it was just the two SeeDs that remained on the wet, stone street.  Leaning down beside Irvine Trida gently stroked the sharpshooter's hair, whispering something that didn't sound quite like it belonged in the real world.

It was a shame that Zell's Full-life spell had missed, Trida reflected.  Such a powerful spell was rare, and it meant more work for him.  He just had to make sure that a spark of life was still inside Irvine somewhere.  Concentrating, he whispered a few more words, and soon Irvine's chest was rising and falling with each breath as normal.  One of Irvine's eyes fluttered open, and then the other.  Trida could tell that the man was having trouble focusing.

"Zell," Irvine called weakly.

"No," Trida said gently.  "It's me, Trida.  Do you remember what happened?"

Irvine's face showed a little confusion for a second, and then a multitude of emotions as the last few hours came back to him.

"I… I kissed him," he whispered.  "And then…"  Irvine reached a hand to the side of his face that Zell had punched.  "Dammit!  Why did he do that?"

"I brought you back to life Irvine," Trida continued, ignoring Irvine's emotional outburst as he realised that Zell had almost killed him.  "Zell tried to cast a spell on you, but he was taken to jail for murder before he could do anything.  I don't think he meant to hit you that hard.  He just doesn't know his own strength sometimes."

"I don't know why I bothered following him," Irvine sighed.  "I should have just accepted the fact that he hates me and moved on with my life."

"He doesn't hate you," Trida insisted.

"Yeah, and how would you know?!" Irvine protested, jumping to his feet.

"I know a lot more than you think," Trida said, silencing Irvine.  "I know why he pulled away from your kiss, why he finds it hard to be around you.  I even know what you're keeping from him.  Why don't you tell him?"

"I'd feel like an idiot," Irvine admitted.  "At first I thought that maybe he remembered and it just embarrassed him or something.  I guess that doesn't matter now.  How do you know all of this?"

"Would you like to know why Zell keeps pushing you away?" Trida asked.

Irvine nodded, letting the sudden change of subject pass unquestioned.  Obviously Trida didn't want to talk about it.

"All right," Trida said, moving closer to Irvine.  "I must warn you though.  It could disturb you a little."

"But it will help me to understand Zell more, right?  Then I can be there for him more, and be more understanding, right?" Irvine asked, forgetting that a couple of seconds earlier he had been ready to completely forget about Zell.

"Of course," Trida said, placing a hand on Irvine's forehead.

"What are you doing?" Irvine asked, sounding a little nervous.

"Showing you what happened," Trida said.  The other man closed his eyes and Irvine found himself doing the same.

_When __Irvine__ opened them again his viewpoint had seemed to change a little.  He felt like he was hovering.  He didn't know how; this wasn't a place he had seen or recognised; but he knew he was in __Balamb__Garden__._

_"Don't be afraid," he heard Trida's voice enter his mind._

_Irvine__ nodded and watched as Zell left the ballroom quietly and was quickly approached by Seifer.  The two of them talked and laughed for a while, and __Irvine__ couldn't help but notice the way Seifer kept looking at and touching Zell, and the way that Zell seemed to love the taller man's attention._

_  
Soon Seifer had Zell pressed up against the wall as the two of them kissed fiercely.  __Irvine__ was confused.  Was Zell broken-hearted because of Seifer?  Was that why he couldn't be with __Irvine__?_

_Then the scene shifted, changing into one of __Balamb__Garden__'s small bedrooms.  Seifer was still joking and laughing and touching Zell whenever he could, but Zell seemed a little more nervous now._

_Seifer moved closer to Zell and began to slip his vest off.  Zell tried to protest, but Seifer stopped him with a harsh kiss on the lips.  Zell tried vainly to struggle but Seifer held him in place, slowly stripping them both until they were both naked._

_Zell let out a whimper of protest as he was thrown backwards onto Seifer's bed._

_What happened next was seen through tear-stained eyes for __Irvine__.  Seifer kept pushing into Zell, either completely unaware or indifferent to the way Zell was trying to squirm out from under him.  Any cries of pain were quickly silenced by another harsh kiss._

_Seifer's pace quickened, along with Zell's small whimpers, and Seifer moved his mouth around to nibble on Zell's ear.  __Irvine__ put a hand to his own mouth as he realised what he had done; how his own lips and teeth had nibbled gently on the same ear.  No wonder Zell had pulled away._

_Neither Seifer's thrusts nor his mouth's nibbling ceased until he was completely satisfied, then with both arms wrapped possessively around Zell's waist, the tall blonde fell asleep._

_Zell waited a few minutes, sobbing gently.  When he was sure that Seifer was completely asleep he crawled out of his arms and off the bed, dressed as quickly as he could and ran from Seifer's room, seeking his own dorm._

_Irvine__ tried to call out but found that he had no voice in this world.  He just wanted to hold Zell and tell him that everything was going to be all right.  He wanted to let Zell know that he was sorry for what he had done, and he wanted to let Zell know that no matter what happened, he would never hurt Zell like Seifer had._

Irvine cried out as Trida's hand moved away from his forehead.  He angrily wiped away the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

Never had he imagined that something so horrible could happen to Zell.  Zell was like sunshine, like happiness personified, and yet Seifer had found it in him to be so cruel as to crush something so beautiful.

He still couldn't bring himself to think that Zell had been raped.  The very idea hurt him too much.

For a while all Irvine could do was stand there and cry as he realised what had happened.

And he had been almost ready to give up on Zell.

"You…" Irvine tried to speak to Trida.  "You said that Zell was in the jail?"

Trida nodded.

"Then we have to go get him out," Irvine said resolutely.  "They can't put him on trial for murder if the person he supposedly killed is still alive, can they?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell tried to snuggle down deeper into Irvine's jacket.  Maybe if he could get it fitting well enough then it would almost feel like Irvine was holding him again, like he had not so long ago; like he had when they were children.

Zell moaned as he thought he remembered yet another scene from his childhood.  The last half-hour had been confusing, and almost painful.  Without the GFs cluttering up his brain he was beginning to remember tiny events and moments from his childhood almost constantly, like the time Ellone had told them all stories about the monster hunters of Winhill, Laguna and Kiros.

_"When we grow up, me and Irvy are gonna kill heaps of monsters, just like Laguna and Kiros," Zell had proclaimed, punching the air._

_"Are you gonna kiss like them too?" Selphie teased them both.  Everyone had blushed when Ellone had told them of how she had caught Laguna and Kiros kissing once._

_Zell had stayed silent.  Everyone in the orphanage gang knew that kissing was disgusting, especially if you were a girl and you kissed a boy, or vice versa, but maybe kissing another boy wouldn't be so disgusting.  At least you wouldn't get girl germs._

_"Yeap!" __Irvine__ answered happily before Zell had even had time to think about it properly. He threw an arm around Zell and placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek._

_"Ewww!"  Several children made the noise at once, although Zell wasn't one of them.  Noticing how much it made the girls squirm he leaned into __Irvine__, returning the kiss and making sure that it was extra noisy._

It had only been in fun.  It wasn't a real kiss, but the memory still brought tears to Zell's eyes as he realised that he would never be able to get a real kiss from Irvine now.

How could he have forgotten someone that had meant so much to him?  How could he have forgotten the most wonderful thing about his childhood as though Irvine had never existed?

He cried softly as he remembered more…

_It had been a few days after Ellone had left the orphanage.  All the children were depressed, but none so much as Squall or Zell.  Squall stood out the front of the building, waiting for 'sis' to return._

_Zell had found a place out the back on a rocky outcrop overlooking the lighthouse.  He hadn't been that close to Ellone, but he had still been crying for what seemed like hours now._

_He almost jumped as he felt someone tap him gently on the shoulder.  Turning around he saw __Irvine__ looking at him with a very serious expression on his face._

_"What's wrong Zelly?" __Irvine__ asked him._

_At the sight of __Irvine__ Zell merely broke into tears once more.  __Irvine__ moved closer to his friend and gave the little blonde a reassuring hug._

_"What's wrong?" he asked again._

_"S… Sei… Seifer said," Zell sniffled.  "Seifer said that you were going to leave just like Sis did!  He said that you were going to disappear."_

_"I'm not," __Irvine__ said resolutely, hugging Zell closer to him.  "I'm not going to leave you."_

_"Promise?"_

_"I promise Zelly.  I'm never going to leave you because you're the best friend I've ever had.  I love you."_

_Neither of them quite knew what love meant, other than in that beautifully innocent little way that only six-year-olds can love, but it still felt special to Zell.  He hadn't been old enough to remember anything about his real parents, so it was the first time he could remember anyone telling him that they loved him._

_"I love you too Irvy," Zell whispered, curling up in __Irvine__'s arms._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The next morning a strange boat had appeared on the beach near the orphanage._

_The orphanage gang watched as Matron walked down the beach to greet a woman that stepped off the boat.  Zell liked the look of the newcomer.  She had sparkling eyes and a warm inviting smile._

_For most of the day the two women walked around the orphanage talking to each other mostly, Zell suspected, about the children._

_Remembering that the last time someone came to the orphanage, Ellone had disappeared, Zell made sure to keep __Irvine__ close by him.  Even though __Irvine__ had promised, he didn't want to risk losing him._

_He did a good enough job, but by afternoon-tea time he was frantic.  He had lost Irvine while they had been playing hide-and-go-seek tag with Selphie and he had been looking for Irvine for what seemed like the entire day, even though in reality it had probably only been ten minutes._

_He began to run around the orphanage as quickly as he could, looking around at all the likely hiding places as he did so.  He was so distracted that he didn't notice Matron and the new lady until he ran, quite literally, into them._

_Zell fell back onto the floor and gazed up at the two women._

_"This is Zell," Matron told the other woman.  "Zell, this is Miss Dincht; you can call her Miss D."_

_"Hello," Zell said quietly, suddenly feeling very shy in the woman's presence.  She seemed very nice, and Zell desperately wanted her to like him._

_"Poor thing was brought here when he was only three," Matron told Miss Dincht.  "His mother died during birth, and his father was killed in the war.  He's an absolute treasure."_

_Zell wasn't quite sure what they were talking about and he couldn't really care._

_"Excuse me," he said, tugging gently at Matron's skirt.  "Have you seen Irvy?  I can't find…"_

_Zell was cut short as someone pounced on him, planting a sloppy wet kiss on the side of his face._

_"Ewww!" Zell shrieked, not wanting to look too much like a chicken-wuss in front of Miss Dincht.  He pushed his friend off, merely causing __Irvine__ to laugh out loud at the sight of Zell trying to look too dignified to receive a kiss from his best friend._

_"Who's this?" Miss Dincht said, not sounding at all impressed with __Irvine__'s behaviour._

_"This is __Irvine__," Matron explained.  "He and Zell are absolutely inseparable.  They've been like that since __Irvine__ arrived almost a year ago.  Say hello to Miss D. Irvine."_

_"Hello," __Irvine__ said, sounding just a bit more wary of the newcomer than Zell had been._

_Miss Dincht nodded politely at the children before they left, talking once more of things that were beyond the two boy's interest and knowledge._

_The rest of the day passed slowly.  Zell kept trying to listen to what the two adults were saying.  Even though most of it didn't make much sense, he knew that they were talking about him._

_"I think Zell is definitely my choice."_

_"You couldn't take him without taking __Irvine__ as well.  It would break their hearts."_

_"Maybe for a few days it would, but it isn't healthy for them to be so attached to each other.  They need some one else to keep them company.  Besides, I am very sorry if this sounds crass Edea, but I don't want to adopt a child who will probably grow up to be gay.  Honestly, you've seen how he dotes on the poor boy."_

_Then, when the other children had settled down to listen intently to a story that Matron was telling them, Miss Dincht had come over to talk to Zell alone.  For a while they talked about anything that came to mind, and then Miss Dincht walked over and talked to Matron for a while.  When she came back she leaned down to Zell and gave him an enormous smile._

_"Would you like a proper home Zell?" she asked him.  "With a real mother and a room all to yourself?"_

_Zell nodded enthusiastically.  Such a life seemed like a dream._

_"Come with me then," she said, reaching down to grab Zell's smaller hand in her own._

_The two of them walked towards the boat.  Everything was happening so fast that it wasn't until the boat's engine started up that Zell realised something very important._

_"Wait!" he said, jumping up off his seat and running to the side of the boat.  "We've left Irvy behind!"_

_He looked towards the orphanage to find that __Irvine__ had realised that he had left and was currently running towards the boat as fast as his little legs could carry him._

_"Quick!  Irvy!" Zell called out to him, but it was no use.  The boat had already started to pull away from the shore._

_"Zell," Miss Dincht's soft voice said from behind him.  "__Irvine__'s not coming."_

_"What?" Zell sobbed.  It seemed incomprehensible to the six-year-old.  __Irvine__ had promised that they would stay together.  Zell couldn't leave without him._

_"No!" he screamed, struggling to climb the rails of the small ship.  "I'm not going without Irvy!"_

_Miss Dincht's arms came around him to stop him jumping.  It didn't stop him from struggling though.  He could see __Irvine__ running into the water after them now, trying his hardest to catch up with the small boat.  Zell tried as hard as he could, but he couldn't get away from his new mother._

_Soon he gave up and just cried.  It was all he could do now.  Miss Dincht eventually put him down on the floor of the boat and he ran towards the stern.  There were no rails here, only a sharp wall-like piece of steel that had served as a ramp earlier, but he could still look back and see the small figure of __Irvine__ disappearing into the distance._

_He cried softly to himself as the boat moved further away.  He hadn't even realised that a small toy Moomba had fallen out of his pocket as he had been struggling to get away from Miss Dincht._

It all made sense now; Irvine's changing between acting like he couldn't give a damn about Zell and acting like he couldn't live without him; the anger and pain he felt whenever he looked at Irvine; not because of the sharpshooter so much as the people that had separated them.

"I'm sorry Irvy," he whispered to the damp air of the jail cell.  He felt a cool breeze against his face and realised that hidden in a corner of the jail cell was a very small window facing into the street.

He dragged a chair, the only piece of furniture in the room, over to the window and climbed up on it to get a look outside.  The window was about a foot above street level.  He hadn't realised it, but the layer of the jail he was imprisoned in was halfway buried underground, which meant that any rain water would flow straight into the cell.  No wonder the place was so damp, he thought.  The Timber jail was practically a medieval dungeon.

He stared outside at the wet street, praying that soon he would see Irvine come into sight, ready to bail him out.

"Irvy, please," he whispered.  "I really do still love you, you know.  I'm sorry."

Certain that Irvine was not going to suddenly be alive again, he stepped down and curled up on the chair and tried to fall asleep.

It was surprisingly easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irvine stopped in the middle of the street and knelt down for a moment.  Trida watched with a smile on his face as the sharpshooter picked up a soaking wet toy Moomba and clutched it in his hands.

"He can never hold on to it," Irvine joked, trying to summon a smile.

For a moment the sharpshooter froze as he remembered the last time he had found Sparky the Moomba.

_The boat had pulled away too quickly, and soon __Irvine__ had found himself out of his depths and unable to swim quite as fast.  He had eventually given up all hope of catching up with the boat.  He treaded water for a little while, angrily brushing away the tears that were streaming down his face.  Somehow, through the tears and the glare of the sun on the water, he managed to spot a patch of orange and red floating not too far away._

_Swimming over to it, he picked up Sparky the Moomba in one of his hands and made his way back to the shore.  He sat there for several hours, holding Sparky and looking out over the ocean, until Edea soon grew worried about him and carried him back to the orphanage._

_For the next few days he was inconsolable.  Nothing could get him to smile.  Gradually Selphie had pulled him out of his depression, but he had never forgotten Zell._

Irvine looked over at Trida and saw the other man watching him.

"Come on," Trida said gently.  "The jail is this way."

Irvine would have more than likely run towards the jail if he had known the way, but as it was Trida was the only one of the two of them that did, and he insisted on setting a frustratingly slow pace.  As soon as Irvine spotted the stony grey building that was the Timber jail he ran ahead as quickly as he could.  It was quite a lot bigger than would be expected in such a small town as Timber.  It was two stories high and was constructed from grey cement bricks.  There was no decoration on the outside, except for a small detail on the arch above the entryway.  What could not be viewed from the outside however, was the story under the ground that housed the cells, unless you took the time to kneel down and notice the drain-like windows.

"Zell!" he called out, not really knowing or caring whether he should expect an answer.

In the cell just below street level Zell awoke rather quickly.  He could have sworn he had heard someone call his name.  It was probably just a dream, he figured, shuffling a little and trying to get back to sleep.

"ZELL!" someone called out again, and there was no mistaking it now.  Zell almost cried in happiness as he recognised Irvine's voice.  It seemed at that moment to be the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

He scrambled onto the chair and looked hopefully out into the street.  He couldn't help but smile as he saw Irvine's black boots standing not too far away.

"Irvy!" he yelled out joyfully.

It didn't take Irvine long to find out where Zell's voice was coming from, or for him to register the use of his childhood nickname.

"Irvy," Zell repeated joyfully as he saw Irvine's face peer down through the window at him.  "I'm sorry.  Oh Hyne, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Zelly" Irvine whispered.  "Everything's going to be all right now.  I'm going to get you out of here."  Irvine paused for a second; waiting for Zell to object to the use of the 'degrading' nickname, but no words came out of Zell's mouth.

Leaning closer to the window, Irvine realised that Zell was crying silently.  He put his hand through the bars on the window and wiped the tears away from Zell's cheeks.  Zell smiled as Irvine touched him, moving both of his hands up to press Irvine's hand closer to his face.

"I…" Zell started, "I remember things Irvy.  I'm sorry I didn't before."

"Ssh…" Irvine put his finger on Zell's lips, silencing him.  "It doesn't matter now."

"I thought I…" Zell's brows furrowed as he tried to process the fact that Irvine was standing in front of him, so real, so warm and so alive, despite what had happened earlier.  "I was so afraid that I…"  Zell was amazed at how hard he was finding it to say.  "That I killed you."

"Trida saved me," Irvine told him.

As if on cue Trida's face then appeared behind Irvine's, staring down into the cell at its prisoner.

"Hyne," Trida commented, inspecting the cell.  "This must be the most badly designed jail in all of existence."

"I'm going to see you again in just a couple of seconds, okay?" Irvine told Zell.  "We're going to get you out of here."

Zell hopped off the chair and leaned against the wall, crying in relief.  Everything really was going to be all right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What do you mean 'can't bail him out'!?" Irvine screamed.

"I mean, you can't bail him out," the soldier on duty replied.  "You can never bail out murderers."

"But he's not a murderer!" Irvine protested.  "They thought that he killed me, but he didn't."

"Right," the soldier said slowly, as though he thought that Irvine was completely mad.  "I'm sorry sir, but we have several eyewitnesses that say they saw him kill a man."

Irvine heard Trida's impatient foot-tapping and sighing in the background.

"Look, it was me that he punched, so what if I decide to drop all charges against him?  Then he can't stay imprisoned, can he?"

"For the last time sir, he is going to be charged with murder.  This is a criminal offence, and as such, is now under state jurisdiction.  It is no longer a case of you 'dropping charges'."

"But, the sentence for murder is…"

"That's right sir," the soldier said, beginning to sound just as impatient as Trida.

"I hate bureaucracy," Trida commented, strolling towards the desk that the officer sat at.  "Listen," he told the soldier.  "We are taking Zell away from here, even if we have to use a ridiculous amount of force to do so."

The soldier made to object, but was then silent as he watched Trida undergo a remarkable transformation.  Irvine watched in awe as Trida's red-brown hair literally grew before his eyes, extending and curving around Trida's body until it was a good two metres long.  He was suddenly a lot taller, well over Irvine's six feet.  His skin faded in colour until it was very pale and slightly blue-tinged.  All over his face and arms small tattoo-like stars and waves appeared.  His jacket, shirt and jeans disappeared to be replaced with a simple towel-like cloth draped over his shoulder and tied around his waist.

His arm reached out to grab the soldier by the neck before the man could say a word.

"You," Trida said, his voice suddenly deep and resonating as it echoed around the room, "are going to go down to that room and release Zell Dincht.  All right?"

The man nodded rather enthusiastically.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zell threw himself into Irvine's arms as soon as he was released.  He grabbed a fistful of Irvine's vest in both hands and began crying softly, not of despair this time, but pure relief.

"I wouldn't keep that up for too long if I was you," Trida commented.  "You'll be waterlogged soon."

Irvine ignored him, and went back to attending to the sobbing blonde bundle in his arms.

"I'm sorry for punching you Irvine," Zell said.  "And I'm sorry for acting like I hated you, and being such a bastard all this time."

"I'm sorry too Zell," Irvine replied, causing Zell to look up at him, a look of pure confusion on his face.

"Why?  You don't have to apologise for anything."

"Yes I do," Irvine said, annoyed to discover that he too was crying now.  "I know about Seifer, Zell.  I know what he did to you, and I'm sorry that I did all things, like nibble your ear.  I didn't know."

Zell froze for a second as he realised what Irvine had just told him.

"I deserved it," he said, defeated.  "I'm a filthy, disgusting slut and it's my fault, so there's nothing to be sorry for."

Irvine almost felt sick as he heard Zell talk about himself that way.

"You're not Zell," he said, surprised that Zell could think so lowly of himself.  "You're a wonderful person, and you deserve to be loved.  You didn't deserve what that bastard did to you, and I'm going to make sure that nothing like that ever happens to you again."

Zell smiled in relief as he heard Irvine's words, and snuggled further into Irvine's chest.  Irvine knew and he didn't hate him.  What more could he have hoped for?

"Wait a second," Zell said as a thought occurred to him.  "How did you find out?"

"Trida told me," Irvine said, looking over at the other man who was still in his more impressive form and sent him an inquiring look.

"I guess I have a lot to tell the both of you," Trida admitted.  "You would recall that almost a year ago, when you helped the orphanage gang remember their past, Selphie mentioned that she found a GF when she was twelve.  I am that GF.  I am Trida, the GF of love, friendship, and everything in between."  Trida glanced at the two SeeDs, still standing quite happily in each other's arms as he said this.  "Without my name Selphie could not call on me directly, and so I grew bored and began using a human form for my own needs," Trida continued.  "Whether she realised it or not, Selphie wanted the two of you to be safe and happy together, and so this has been my mission over the past few days.  I doubt you would have noticed, but I have been following you both, leaving dreams, songs, and whatever other subtle hints I could think of.  It was rather difficult to keep my identity a secret at times though, especially when my hair changed its colour without my realising it.  My job, however, is now complete.  Good luck to you both."

Trida turned and began walking down the street in the direction of the train station.

"Wait!" Irvine called out.  "Where are you going?"

"Back to Garden," Trida answered.  "I have another job to do.  The two of you may not be able to accept or understand this, but Seifer is just as lost and confused as you were Zell, and he needs help right now."

Zell sighed and nodded towards the GF.  Trida nodded in return before running swiftly away from the two of them.

"Well," Irvine sighed.  "That was interesting."

For a few minutes the two of them just stood there, enjoying the feeling of holding each other.

"Oh," Irvine suddenly exclaimed, before reaching into his jeans pocket.  "You forgot this again."

Zell laughed as Irvine handed him Sparky the Moomba, before throwing his arms around Irvine's neck and kissing him.  Irvine made sure to be gentle this time, but it was rather hard when Zell was being as passionate as he was.

When they pulled apart they were both smiling widely.  They stared into each other's eyes, wondering who would be the first to say it.

The moment was almost completely ruined as Zell's stomach growled quite loudly, reminding them both that it was starting to get late in the evening, and neither of them had eaten dinner yet.

"Maybe we should get back to the hotel," Irvine suggested.

"Yeah, it would probably be a good idea," Zell laughed.

"Do you wanna race back Zelly?" Irvine suggested.

"Hell yeah," Zell laughed as he began sprinting back before either of them could announce the beginning of the race.

Irvine laughed too as he followed close behind.  Zell still wasn't completely as bright or open as he remembered him, but it wouldn't take long.

Zell was finally beginning to heal.


	7. Completion

Tanta:  Ta da!  The last chapter is finally up.  Apologies.  I thought it would take a lot less time than it actually did.

Irvine:  Once again, Tanta don't own it, so like, don't sue her, okay?

Chapter Seven: Completion

Irvine and Zell ended up spending another two weeks in Timber, helping Hagan and Togun out with the Forest Racoons, sight-seeing and occasionally fighting monsters, and this time, when a Cockatrice petrified Zell, Irvine knew not to freak out too much.

The bed that they shared in the Timber hotel was quite large enough for the both of them, although Zell never wanted to do anything more than kiss or embrace Irvine, and Irvine didn't try to take the relationship any further.  Even still, every morning Zell would wake to find Irvine wrapped around him as he had in Zell's small bed back in Balamb, clutching the blonde as though afraid that he would disappear.

Eventually they returned to Balamb to find the Garden was exactly where it had been two weeks ago.  The two of them were welcomed back with plenty of hugs, smiles, and questions, which they mostly managed to answer without revealing anything too personal, although Selphie notice that the two men were acting a lot more friendly towards each other than they had before Zell had disappeared.

She watched, smiling gently, as Irvine answered a question from Squall and without even thinking about it, threw an arm over Zell's shoulders.  For a second she wondered exactly how friendly the two of them had grown, and then decided that she didn't really need to know.  What mattered was that the two of them were happy, and judging by the way they were acting, they couldn't be much happier.

It was then she realised the small bandage that covered Zell's face, and the larger bandages around both men's left leg.

"What happened guys?" she asked them, pointing to their limbs.

Irvine and Zell looked over at each other, a smile quickly forming on both their faces.

"Should we show them?" Irvine asked Zell.

"Yeah," Zell replied, his grin widening.  "It should be about time to take the bandages off now anyway.  We took a little trip to the tattoo parlour in Timber while we were there," Zell said, reaching up to remove the bandage on his face.  He took it off very slowly, revealing a perfect black tattoo, once more unbroken.

"We decided to get something else done as well," Zell continued, tearing the bandage off his ankle with enthusiasm to reveal a picture of a small Moomba.  Irvine's bandage was soon also removed to reveal an identical tattoo.  "You should have seen Irvine," Zell continued, a teasing grin on his face.  "He was moaning and crying like a baby.  You would have thought he was going to die."

"Come on," Irvine grinned, "You were just as bad.  Besides, it was worth it.  I'm not about to let you forget me again."

Selphie grinned happily as the two men looked at each other once more, emotion and acceptance that didn't need words to explain or express showing on both of their faces.

Squall just looked on with a confused and utterly clueless expression on his face.  Zell laughed as soon as he realised that Squall, along with most of his friends, had no idea what was going on between Irvine and him.

He stopped laughing and looked around at the Garden, realising that someone wasn't there to meet him.

"What is it?" Irvine asked immediately, seeing the curious look on Zell's face.

"Where's Seifer?" Zell asked, his brows furrowing in a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

"He left about a week after you two did."  The answer came from Squall.  "The new graduate Trida went with him, and just like you two he didn't think for a second to tell anyone where they were going."

Irvine shrugged, feeling quite grateful that they wouldn't have to deal with the older man.  A quick glance at Zell revealed that his friend wasn't quite as relieved.  Zell stared off into the distance, as if trying to work out which way Seifer had gone, and whether he was likely to come back.  Obviously, some wounds hadn't completely healed yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the afternoon was filled with a mixture of formalities as Squall tried to get the two of them caught up on what had happened while they had been gone, and friendly chats as nearly everyone in Garden wanted to hear what had happened to the two men.  The official story became that the two of them had merely left for a short holiday.

The most awkward moment came when it was time to turn in for the night.  The two of them had walked all the way to the dormitories before either of them worked out that they were going to have a slight problem.

Zell stopped mid-stride when he realised they had reached the door to Irvine's dormitory.  He searched desperately inside him for either the strength to sleep alone, or the courage and the right words to convince Irvine to stay with him for the night.

"Irvy," he said simply, looking at Irvine's hand, which had paused halfway to the door handle.  Irvine stared at Zell for a second, knowing all too well that Zell didn't need words to tell Irvine what he wanted, especially since he had been waiting for Zell to say or do anything to let him know that sharing Zell's rooms would be all right.

"I hadn't really adapted to sleeping in that little room anyway," Irvine said with a large smile, taking his hand swiftly away from the door handle and walking purposefully down the corridor to Zell's room.

Zell watched him for a second; unsure whether he should be pleased or nervous, before running to catch up with the taller man and walking close beside him.

Soon they were curled up together, sharing a bed as they had been for the past two weeks.  Zell lay there in the darkness, thinking of how much he was beginning to like the feeling of Irvine wrapped protectively around him, making him feel warm and safe.  Zell wondered what it would have been like if it had been Irvine that night instead of Seifer.

As if reading his mind Irvine whispered into his ear right at that moment.

"Zell," he said, ever so quietly.  "Zelly, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to.  I don't mean to pry or anything, but have you ever been with anyone apart from Seifer?"

"No," Zell answered truthfully, snuggling further into Irvine's chest.

"The bastard," Irvine cursed softly.

Yes, Zell thought quite happily.  Irvine would keep him safe no matter what, and he would never do anything that might hurt Zell in any way.

That thought brought another one into Zell's mind; one he wasn't sure whether he approved of or not.  If their relationship was going to progress at all, then he was going to have to be the one to make all the moves.

With this thought in mind he quite deliberately rolled over a bit so that Irvine was lying on top of him, and very shyly and slowly pressed a kiss to Irvine's lips.  He had caught Irvine off guard as he had hoped, and slipped his tongue into Irvine's mouth.  Soon the kiss had dissolved into an all out make-out session, until Irvine pulled back, panting for breath, a sly smile gracing his lips.

"Well," he panted.  "That was unexpected."

"But good," Zell hesitated, unsure of what he had just done.  "Right?" he questioned.

"Of course good," Irvine answered, pressing another, very light kiss to Zell's lips.

"Good," Zell said, the grin on his face making him appear a lot surer of himself than he really was.  "Because I'm not finished yet."

A quick caress from Zell let Irvine know exactly what Zell meant, and Irvine's body wasted no time in letting him know that it thought what Zell was implying was a really good idea.

He searched Zell's face, still seeing a large degree of uncertainty in the smaller boy's features.

"Zell," he whispered.  "You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to.  I'm all for taking it slowly.  I definitely don't want to do this unless you're completely ready for it."

"I know you don't," Zell said, the last trace of uncertainty leaving his features.  "And that is why I am ready.  I don't want to be frightened to love any more."

It took Irvine a few seconds to realise the full implication of what Zell had just said, and then the look of wonder on his face was too beautiful for Zell to not kiss him.

"Just one thing," Zell said, breaking the kiss.  "I get to be on top, and if I hurt you even a tiny little bit, promise me that you'll tell me and I'll stop."

Irvine merely nodded, unable to believe that Zell was ready for such a big step.

The next hour was full of a pleasure that was almost painfully slow.  Zell made sure to move very slowly and gently, so that he wouldn't hurt Irvine, and Irvine made sure that he left Zell in complete control of every movement.  He also made sure not to do anything that might trigger any of Zell's bad memories.  Zell's ears were left untouched the entire time.

When they found pleasure it was as the rest had been, long and gentle, and they found it together, screaming each other's names into the night.

When it was over Zell lay back, staring at the ceiling, unable to believe how different things had been with Irvine.  Irvine moved slightly so that he could lay his head on Zell's chest and stare up at his lover's face.  Zell caught Irvine's stare and his heart seemed to skip a few beats.  The intensity of love in Irvine's gaze might have scared him if he didn't return the man's feelings.

"Irvy," he whispered, stroking his new lover's hair.  "Irvy, I love you."

"I love you too Zelly," Irvine replied, snuggling into Zell's shoulder.  "Always have, always will."

Irvine was soon asleep, his breath warm against Zell's neck.  Zell watched as the other man's fingers twitched in his sleep.  Subconsciously, Irvine's arms wrapped around him once more, pulling him closer.

"Don't worry," Zell whispered, kissing Irvine on the forehead.  "I won't leave you."

In his sleep Irvine smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So maybe you do still need me.  I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I still need you.

I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend that our lives are going to be any easier than they were before.  I'm dreading the way your homophobic mother is going to react, and I don't know what will happen if we ever confront Seifer, but I'm not too worried, because I'm not alone this time.

This time, we'll face the world together.

_~~*FIN*~~_

Tanta: Finished, but for those of you who are completely hooked, or are wondering what happened to Seifer and Trida, don't worry.  There will be a sequel, called "Destined for Nobody."  Look out for it.  Thanks again to all those who reviewed.


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